#but i was binge drinking back then if i’m being honest

[zenyteehee]

24 days sober, and I still hate this. What I wouldn’t give for a gummy, just to take away the unending frustrations of this week. The thing is, as much as I’m laying on my bed sober rn wishing I could be high, I vividly remember a night about a month or two ago where I sat on my bed high wishing I’d kept my sober run from last January. Honestly, as much as I wish I was stoned, that was worse. That was worse. Better to be sober wishing you could be high than high wishing you could be sober

[haveagarbageday]

The joy of missing out \\ Lando Norris

summary: You and Lando celebrate your birthday on the same day. While he's planning a big party, you'd rather spend the night on your own. Not like he's gonna let that happen…

additional info: Alpine!driver!reader. Have you heard "The joy of missing out" by AleXa? No? That's what I was listening to while writing this.

This year you didn’t feel like celebrating your birthday. You just wanted to stay under the warm blanket, binge-watching your favorite comfort show and eating pizza all day.

You weren’t really on speaking terms with your family after a stupid argument at a family gathering last year, and your old friends believed you changed a lot since you joined F1, so they weren’t exactly keen to spend time with you either, especially after you relocated to Monaco like so many of the drivers did. This left you getting more and more comfortable with the idea of being alone, spending your limited free time in your apartment instead of attending parties you were invited to.

On the most recent race weekend though, Lando and Oscar caught you in the paddock and the three of you started chatting, soon being joined by other drivers, and the conversation shifted to Lando’s upcoming birthday. They were planning on partying together, even now they were talking about who would bring who, if they should spend the night at the same place, or move around, maybe heading to the place of one of them.

It was only after a good ten minutes that something dawned on Lando. “Wait, your birthday is on the same day,” he told you, the little light bulb above his head almost visible. “That’s great! You should invite your friends too!” The Brit got excited at the thought, but when he noticed you were just shaking your head, he could tell you would say no to the whole thing. “You’re not planning on missing out, are you?”

As you let out an annoyed groan, the others began to try and convince you, saying it was great that they could celebrate not one, but two birthdays that year, and you were like everyone’s little sister, you were practically family, so this party was mandatory for you. Last year you missed it because you were with your family and friends back home, spending time with them as you usually did when you had the time, but this year it was an open secret that you’d rather retreat into your shell after race weekends.

“Guys, I just… don’t feel like celebrating, that’s all. You all have fun, but you can count me out,” you told them, then said goodbye and decided to go back to the Alpine motorhome to be alone for a while.

Halfway there, you suddenly felt someone put an arm around your shoulder, making you come to a halt to see who it was. You were met by Lando’s shining eyes, the mischievous smile telling you he was here to try and convince you to join them. But instead of giving you a speech full of reasons why you should join them, he decided to start with something else, something a lot more personal.

“Look, I can tell something is wrong. What happened? Last year you spent so much time with your family, your friends, and even with us. Now? Now I can see you getting cozy at your place, ignoring everyone until it’s absolutely necessary to be around people. I’m worried,” he added, and the look in his eyes told you he was telling the truth.

“I’m fine, trust me.” But Lando didn’t buy it, he just rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow, expecting you to finally be honest with him. “My relationships are dying, because apparently, I changed too much since I’ve been here. Why bother?”

Without a proper warning, Lando pulled you into a hug, his chin resting on your shoulder while you relaxed in his arms. It surprised you, but didn’t feel all that bad, to be honest. You’d been craving physical contact for months now, after all. “The party wouldn’t be the same without you. And I was planning to do so much, like getting you to be stuck to me the whole night, dancing together, drinking together, maybe letting me kiss you,” he finished as he pulled back to look at you with a wolfish grin.

To kiss you? That’s what he wanted? It would be a lie if you said you hadn’t thought about this, because there were times when you wished he would do that, but you usually got rid of these thoughts quite fast. It would complicate things, and complication was something you didn’t need in your life now. But God, he was so handsome, and so cute, and so–

Your train of thought was interrupted when you felt his lips on yours, moving slowly to see how you would react, waiting for the opportunity to truly get lost in it. And when you kissed him back, he moved his hand to the back of your head, tangling his fingers into your hair, moaning softly into the kiss. The world around you ceased to exist, and you just enjoyed the moment, completely forgetting that the paddock was full of people who wouldn’t hesitate to take photos of the two of you.

When he finally pulled away to breathe, you gulped and watched him with uncertainty. Was he just playing with you? Or was he serious about this? Oh, why couldn’t he see you as a sister like the rest of the drivers did?

“So, I believe you’re coming to the party,” he spoke up with a smile. “The birthday boy is dying to spend the evening kissing the birthday girl. Maybe even sneaking away to have some fun in private,” he added before giving you a quick kiss again.

“Have some fun in private?”

With a wide grin on his face, Lando leaned closer to whisper the answer in your ear. “I have a special surprise for you. You’ll love it,” he told you in a sultry voice that made you gulp.

Well, it was safe to say he was probably several steps ahead of you in this.

[zzencat]

Little Things You Can Do To Get Back On Track - Timeless ⏳

If you came from my “Why Am I Still Unsatisfied?” reading, sit back and relax. Take in the messages I am collecting at this moment. These are very simple things you can do today to get yourself back on the track of life.

Note: This is meant to be short and simple, but a storm of butterflies can whip up a tsunami. I got more than what I asked for from my spirit guides today. It seems you have a lot to hear. You never know what could impact your life. “You should be prepared.”

DO BEFORE YOU READ: Clear your mind. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill up your chest to the fullest, feel the air brush against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out. You are no longer alone. Choose the photo that you can’t take your eyes off of.

—————-

Pile 1. “Simple is best.”

• You could use some vitamin C, to be honest. But don’t overdo it. Learn more about your body and keep up with it—things like how fast you metabolize certain things, but if you’re on medication or supplements, be aware that metabolizing medication is different from metabolizing food. You also either drink too much water or too little.

• If you’re prone to procrastination, start looking for libraries and cafes to help you better focus.

• TAKE BREAKS. Mental, emotional, all of it. Look out the window and observe things that catch your attention. Maybe you’ll start to realize that life does have its small and beautiful moments.

• You don’t have to be surrounded by friends and people all the time. Allow yourself some you-time, explore places on your own—I keep seeing someone wearing a scarf, drinking a hot-warm coffee (coffee is super dehydrating for you btw, so make sure you drink tons of water), fall season. Lounging around in your room and having a show binge by yourself is also good. It’d be nice if you had at least one day off every week to spend by yourself, without the presence of other people.

• Remember that you should recharge yourself too and that saying “no” is okay. You don’t have to be responsible for everyone else.

• Take a walk at dawn, but wear a jacket when you do so. Be wary of your surroundings still, but when you have a moment, breathe in the air of an area that has a dewy smell to it. Damp or rainy seasons work fine. Watch the sun come up for a few seconds and take that time to appreciate your environment.

—————

Pile 2. “Rejection is Okay.”

• Have you gone on any dates recently? I’m seeing a girl with her legs crossed at a cozy cafe, but she’s not bothered by it. She’s neutral in fact, very simple existing, and she’s reading a wall full of post-it notes from other couple. She seems intrigued, although not overly. Just neutral and an “oh, how nice” kind of vibe.

• Perhaps there is a lack of confidence. You should strive to be someone that is okay with being alone in public—specifically LOOKING alone in public. No, that does not make you seem lonely. It makes you comfortable with your own presence. Maybe you tend to think a lot or contemplate often.

• Working on leadership skills could be something. Maybe you’d like to become more assertive? I don’t have too much advice for this group, to be honest. But you should learn how to stand up for yourself more and be careful so that people don’t take advantage of you (for anything/any reason) easily.

• Condition your mind to not caring what others think. Obviously, there’s a limit and rules set in place so that we don’t get in legal trouble—I’m talking about your mindset. Don’t let others get to you easily and work more on your posture. Standing/sitting up straighter will begin to subtly convince your mind and you that you’re confident.

————

Pile 3. “It’s too quiet.”

• journaling can help. It might sound boring or it might be hard to sit in one place for a while, but you have to practice it. Discipline yourself.

• Kind of similar to pile 1, but this is a less responsible group. Don’t distract yourself from your problems and face them head on. Being cowardly isn’t a good trait to have. Be mindful about drinking and what other things you’re putting in your body. This could bite you back in the future.

• Friends may be questionable, may try to convince you to do things you weren’t initially planning to do/try. Be wary of this and stand up for yourself.

• Another thing if you do drink, learn not to drink away your problems or get high enough to escape them. It’s hard, I know. But you have to realize how important it is to live. Don’t be so reckless. If your soul is being let down, you’ll pay the consequences.

• If you feel like a failure or everyone around you says that you are, don’t feed into it. Build yourself up. Make something out of yourself but don’t let those people know. They’ll see it and possibly try to take credit. Don’t let them. Deal with it in a calm and diplomatic manner and turn your head away. You don’t need that extra nonsense. Simple acknowledgement is what they really need, so don’t give them the attention. You’ll mature so much from this.

• It might feel lonely and you may think you’re the only person who’s overthinking/overfeeling about something, or you feel like you’re different from the people you hang out with somehow. A small part of you probably thinks there’s more to life than just…this. Whatever you’re doing to pass the time and simply have fun. Like “they wouldn’t understand so I gotta fake it til I make it” type of energy. Laughing it off type of energy. “Ah, whatever- it’s nothing~” energy. Find like-minded people who share the same interests as you and bond with them. You will experience more authenticity in these relationships than your previous ones.

• Pile 3, you definitely have a bit to learn and it takes work, but you have it in you. The potential is very obviously there. You know it too, but you brush it off—don’t deny it. Don’t be scared of it and learn to speak its language. Reach your hand out to whatever is in that mental cave of yours and show it some kindness. It’s okay for it to come out. You’ll learn that it will take your hand faster than you’d thought. Don’t let doubt get in the way. This pile thinks A LOT and likes to drown it out, because it’s easy. Let yourself think and feel the emotions, bad or good. You won’t even recognize what you were holding back. You have power to impact people more than you realize. Good luck Pile 3, you have this.

————————-

Lil Teddy note: I hope you enjoyed this reading guys!! Today I asked for simple things that my readers could do to improve their lives and become better beings. I meant to keep it concise and give 3D, things-you-could-do-in-the-present type of things, but apparently, I received other messages to give that involved mental and physical health as well. Some piles made me feel worried and passionate, like their higher selves were desperate to get them out of these ruts or situations. The signs have been there but maybe some piles haven’t been taking them seriously or have been brushing them off one too many times. This is your sign man 😂😂 Please, take yourselves seriously and realize that you’ve only got a shot of this. Stay safe, work on that confidence, and learn to be with yourself. With all that being said, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t!! Thank you for coming to our reading today :) Teddy outttt

[scoobydoodean]

what’s your opinion on “lebanon”? as it actually is in the show and how fans/fic writers interpret/approach it.

cause i’ve been binge-reading “lebanon” fics and i’ve noticed two patterns: sam might argue with john or he stays calm but regardless he preaches to dean about what a terrible father john was, and dean always falls back into his performing and just keeps defending john. now i love all that angst, really i love it so much, these fics are phenomenally written… but i’m just wondering if i’m crazy to think that dean wouldn’t actually fall back into that role to such an extent, and whether the episode actually kinda got it right by having dean feel secure with his family as it is. iirc my issue with the episode is that neither dean nor sam got to express any issues with john in an honest but civil way (and that john is too nice) but that still i liked dean’s expression of security, but tbh it’s been awhile since i last watched it so maybe i’m missing/misremembering smth… thanks!

One of the strangest things I see in fandom is how many people's sense of how Sam views John versus how Dean views John is just flat out wrong. The idea that Dean is always defending John while Sam is always criticizing him the whole show is negated over and over and over in the actual show itself—extremely overtly.

There's two issues here in my mind that lend to this fandom problem.

The fandom accepting Sam and Dean's "John Narratives" at face value in the early episodes of season 1. For example, watching 1.08 "Bugs", where Dean claims to have no resentments toward John and says Sam also was a dick during Sam and John's fight, and going, "Well there we go. Dean has no resentments and refuses to criticize John but Sam will." At this point, we already know from 1.06 "Skin" that Dean does have resentments toward John for not appearing to care about him and for abandoning him, and we get further indications in 1.11, and 1.21 in this season alone. Another example is Sam and Dean's clashes in 1.10 "Asylum" and in 1.11 "Scarecrow", which are largely analyzed by the fandom as moments where Dean is blindly following orders when they have some other, better option Sam is pushing, and Dean is just refusing to go along with Sam's much better ideas because he's too focused on believing their dad knows best... when that is not actually what is happening at all. Sam's alternative plans in the beginning of 1.10 and 1.11 are absolutely stupid. In 1.10, he wants to call the FBI on John to find him. That's his big idea—instead of following the coordinates John just sent them and seeing if he's there. In 1.11, Sam's big bright idea on finding John is to abandon some people to die on a time-sensitive case so he can go search all of Sacramento for John with nothing but an area code. His plans are dumb, plain and simple—and while we do see Dean hiding his own resentments in these episodes too, that does not remain true—which brings me to the other issue here.

Fandom doesn't leave room for the brothers perspectives on John and their outward expressions of those perspectives to shift or mature over the series. This is particularly funny because their perspectives are literally swapping over the course of season 1, and have pretty much fully swapped by 2.02.

Sam's shifting season 1 perspective on John

What actually happens in season 1, is that Sam, who starts out burning with resentment and hurt toward John for disowning him and being a smothering drill sergeant and absent, binge-drinking dad, slowly begins empathizing him because he's now suffered a similar trauma and is having extreme difficulty coping with it himself! Sam's empathy for and understanding of John (and hell—even respect for John handling it as well as Sam thinks he was capable) is already beginning to show in 1.02—where Sam asks Dean "How does Dad do it?" (i.e., deal with the same burning rage and desperation for vengeance that is tearing Sam apart) (gifset). In 1.04, he learns John was bragging about Sam's accomplishments to other people (gifset). In 1.08, when Dean tells Sam that John was never actually disappointed in him—that he was scared Sam would get hurt if he wasn't around (gifset here) a lot of Sam's anger about the Stanford fight fades. He ends the episode saying "Dad did the best he could" (a repeated quote often misattributed as coming more from Dean) and saying he wants to find him to apologize to him for the things he said (gifset). John and Sam share a heartfelt, tearful hug in 1.16—at the end of which Sam begs John not to leave, and in 1.20, John himself apologizes and explains what was going on in his head when they fought, and it ends with them smiling and laughing as they acknowledge they understand each other and they're the same. I track Sam and John's relationship through the tag, #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone because Sam says that during that conversation in 1.20 (gifset).

Dean's shifting season 1 perspective on John

At the same time this shift is happening in Sam, we see Dean going the exact opposite direction. He starts out believing John has their best interest at heart even if they don't understand his actions, but the resentment is there too (1.06). In 1.09 and in 1.12, Dean needs help desperately, and John doesn't answer. While Sam is learning that John actually cares about him, Dean is growing more and more concerned that John doesn't care about him (Dean) specifically. We see this resentment start to come out (season 1 compilation set here) in 1.20, when John says he wants to keep the boys safe and that's why he's ditching them, and Dean calls it "A bunch of crap". Dean begins standing up to John to his face from this episode onward—finishing 1.20 with a "Yeah well we saved your ass" in response to John saying they disobeyed him. In 1.21, John tries to get on his case, and Dean lays into him about not answering the phone and specifically about abandoning Dean when Dean needed him in 1.09 and 1.12. In 1.22, Sam tries to get his way by telling Dean that John wouldn't want them to bring The Colt to save him, and Dean yells "I don't care what Dad wants!" and then when Sam starts throwing the blame on him for everything, Dean says,

Well, you and Dad are a lot more alike than I thought, you know that? You both can’t wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing. But you know what? I’m gonna be the one to bury you. You’re selfish, you know that? You don’t care about anything but revenge.

Dean has compared Sam and John more than once during the series, and it has never ever been a compliment.

Sam and Dean in the rest of the series

Sam and Dean's interactions about John in rest of the series are... almost universally the opposite of what the fanfics you've picked up suggest. Their interactions almost always show Dean criticizing John and Sam keeping silent or defending him, or reiterating that John did what he had to/the best he could.

Gifset on Dean's whole season 2 "Fuck John Winchester" vibe here.

In 2.01, Dean shouts at John for (it appears) abandoning him to die:

DEAN Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything? I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?

Sam and John have a horrible fight where John blames him for Dean's condition and Sam tells him to go to Hell only for him to make a demon deal and literally go to Hell that same day (gifset) and Sam tries to start another fight right before John dies but John refuses to engage (gifset). The result ends up being that Sam and Dean have fully swapped places on John by 2.02 with John's death as the catalyst. John's death leaves Sam with regrets that their last interaction was Sam trying to start a fight (2.02). He decides he wants to hunt in John's memory (2.02) (gifset1, gifset2) while a part of Dean desperately wants to quit the life altogether—he's clawing the walls but feels helplessly trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20).

Sam defends John while Dean suggests John lead them down the wrong path with a dogmatic rule book (2.03). He demands they go to Lawrence so he can place John's dog tags over Mary's grave (2.04). He spends the season regurgitating John's orders, pushing Dean to do what John told him to do (2.11, 2.14, 2.20) while Dean wants to quit the life (2.09, 2.10, 2.20) and burns with anger toward John. In 2.10, Dean says "I wish to god he'd never opened his mouth!" about John.

In 2.11 "Playthings":

SAM (shoving DEAN to face him) Dean! Dad told you to do it, you have to. DEAN Yeah, well, Dad's an ass! (SAM frowns in confusion) He never should have said anything! I mean, you don't do that, you don't, you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids! SAM No. He was right to say it! Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies!

We see Dean seething with resentment while Sam defends John's orders and tries to enforce them on Dean, carrying the legacy of their father in more ways than one.

Over and over, we get indications that a part of John treated Dean as disposable while he sheltered Sam, and that Dean is increasingly aware of the impact that's difference has had on him—to the point he realizes his father's neglect and abuse is the reason he isn't fighting to save himself in 3.10 "Dream A Little Dream Of Me". Dean and John's relationship is intentionally paralleled with a physically abusive relationship between a father and son in this same episode (gifset, meta), and in this episode, Dean rejects his father as an "obsessed bastard", calls Bobby his father (gifset), and decides from this point forward, he's going to fight to save himself from his demon deal because fuck John Winchester.

DREAM DEAN Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you? DEAN Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He– who wasn't there for Sam! I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me! And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

And yeah! Dean also still loves John! And more than that—he craves John's protection. We see this in 3.14 "Long Distance Call" when the Crocotta calls to Dean as John from beyond the grave, telling Dean exactly what Dean wants to hear: "I never wanted this. Never. You're my boy, I love you. I can't watch you to go to hell, Dean," and telling Dean he can save him. This is pure longing for the love and protection Dean has always desired from John but feels like he's never received. Instead, he's always felt disposable.

In season 4? Oh boy... we get this incredible bit in 4.10 between Dean and Anna:

ANNA I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... out on the road... sick for home... waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can't begin to understand. So don't tell me that -- DEAN laughs. ANNA What is so funny? What? DEAN Nothing. Sorry. It's just...I can relate.

Then in after meeting Adam in 4.19, Sam and Dean have a fight about whether to bring Adam hunting with them or leave him to a normal life:

DEAN 'Hunting is life. You can't have connections.' Dad gave you that exact same speech, remember? It was just before you ditched us for Stanford. You hated Dad for saying that stuff, and now you're quoting him? SAM Yeah, well, turns out Dad was right. DEAN Since when? SAM Since always. Dean, when I look at Adam, you know what I see? DEAN A normal kid. SAM No. Meat. Because the demons and monsters out there, that's all he is. I hated Dad for a long time. I did. But now I think I understand. So we didn't have a dog and a white picket fence. So what? Dad did right by us. He taught us how to protect ourselves. Adam deserves the same. DEAN Listen to yourself, man. SAM You think I’m wrong? DEAN I think it's too late for us. This is our life. This is who we are, okay? And it's fine. I accept that. But with Adam, he's still got a chance, man. He can go to school. He could be a doctor.

Sam says John did right by them. Dean thinks he absolutely didn't, but they can't change who they are now—they can only keep others from falling down the same path.

At the end of the episode? Oh boy...

DEAN You know, I finally get why you and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. SAM looks over. DEAN I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now. SAM I'll take that as a compliment. DEAN You take it any way you want.

It is NOT a compliment.

In 5.16, Dean is confronted with god's intentional absence, and burning with resentment, says to Joshua,

Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I’m used to that. I’ll muddle through.

In 5.13, Sam takes the opportunity presented to him by young John's presence to defend their father and tell John that he forgives him (gifset).

JOHN Look, how long have you known about this...hunting stuff? SAM Pretty much forever. My dad raised me in it. JOHN You're serious? Who the hell does that to a kid? SAM Well, I mean, for the record, Mary's parents did. JOHN I don't care. You know, what kind of irresponsible bastard lets a child anywhere near—Y-you know, you could've been killed! SAM I, uh...came kind of close. SAM laughs. JOHN The number it must've done on your head...Your father was supposed to protect you. SAM He was trying. He died trying. Believe me. SAM sits down on the bench under a window. SAM I used to be mad at him. I—I mean, I used to... I used to hate the guy. But now I—I... I get it. He was...just doing the best he could. And he was trying to keep it together in—in—in this impossible situation. See... My mom, um... She was amazing, beautiful, and she was the love of his life. And she got killed. And...I think he would have gone crazy if he didn't do something. Truth is, um, my dad died before I got to tell him that I understand why he did what he did. And I forgive him for what it did to us. I do. And I just—I love him.

What Lebanon does is present Sam with the opportunity to reiterate his forgiveness toward a John who understands the context:

SAM Dad… for me? That fight… that was a lifetime ago. I don’t even remember what I said, and – I mean… yeah. You know what? You did some messed-up things. But I don’t… I mean, when I think about you… [voice breaks] and I think about you a lot… I don’t think about our – our fights. I think about you… I think about you on the floor of that hospital. And I think about how I never got to say goodbye. JOHN Sam. Son. I am so sorry. SAM I’m sorry, too. But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.

So yeah! The fanfic narrative here where Sam is Mr. "Dad was bad" and Dean is Mr. "Nooo dad did the best he could" IS ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!!!!!

[petriquors]

POV: someone joins you on the balcony

You hate that your boss made you attend this charity gala while she’s on vacation. It’s her job to rub elbows with Gotham’s elite, not yours, and she did nothing to prepare you for all this small talk before jetting off to Bali with her beau of the week.

You finish your drink and fantasize about quitting.

With their stifling conversations, stuffy outfits, and barely edible teeny portions of food, formal events like this are absolutely suffocating. All you need is a minute in the fresh air. So, toward the end of cocktail hour, you indulge in your compulsion to see if the balcony door you spotted earlier is unlocked.

It opens on the first try.

It’s not a particularly large balcony, but you’re grateful that there’s no one out here but you. You close the door gingerly, leaving behind the metaphorical veil that makes you look and act like the perfect party guest by obscuring everything about you that makes you a real person.

For a blissful interlude, it’s just you, the moonlight, and the distant sounds of the city. If you close your eyes, you think you can hear your real life: the subway, late night pizza, binge-watching a show on the sofa you got off of an online buy nothing group.

“Is this balcony taken?”

You quickly turn your head to see the man who just intruded on your solitude. He’s perfectly average in all the right ways—average height, nice athletic build, dark hair, blue eyes, a navy tuxedo so dark it’s almost black. There’s a certain air about him, a hint of the unknown, a something-special that you can’t quite name. It’s as if all his pieces, while unremarkable on their own, fit together to create a breathtakingly beautiful puzzle.

And, since he’s already halfway out the balcony door, something compels you to say, “There’s room for one more.”

He’s careful to close the door instead of letting it swing shut. While he does, he looks at his hand on the gleaming brass handle as if he’s mentally cataloging which parts of himself are staying in the ballroom and which are coming outside with him. After a moment, his arm goes lax, his hands slide into his pockets, and he steps into the moonlight beside you. 

“I don’t know,” he says through a crooked smile. “There’s a whole lot of brooding out here. Are you sure there’s room?”

You give him a sidelong glance as the corners of your mouth pucker, fighting a smile. You’re supposed to be moping, not…whatever this is. “What do you have to brood about?”

He grips the railing of the balcony and leans back hips-first, stretching out his arms and craning his neck to look out over the city. His body’s here, but his mind is miles away, maybe even in another universe. “The debilitating weight of other people’s expectations, eldest child syndrome, and a pesky fear of commitment.”

There’s a beat of silence during which you just blink at him. Then, he glances at you and his crooked grin is back, but there’s something pensive underneath the easy smile. It’s impossible to tell if he’s being facetious or brutally honest, but there’s a darkness in his eyes that says he’s trying to laugh through the pain.

He breaks the silence with a chuckle. “Sorry. I shouldn’t only talk about myself. Why are you brooding all alone?”

You pluck the little name tag you’re supposed to be wearing out of the pocket you shoved it into. It has your boss’s name, not yours. “My boss is sipping cocktails on the beach with a man half her age, and I’m here.”

“Wow, that is such a universal experience,” he teases in a monotone. It’s then that you notice he’s not wearing a name tag either. “Why didn’t you just say no? You’re busy. You have the stomach flu. You have a phobia of weird canapés.”

That smile you’ve been holding back finally appears on your face. “Because of the debilitating weight of other people’s expectations and eldest child syndrome. Also, I need to pay my rent.”

He catches on to what you’re doing immediately. His eyes sparkle like the stars and his face brightens like the moon, reflecting the light that you’re giving off. “So you don’t have a pesky fear of commitment?”

Yes, you think. No. Maybe. Honestly, it’s been so long since you’ve been with anyone that you have no idea. What you do know is that something is happening to you on this balcony right now, and you hope it’s happening to him too.

Time seems to slow down, and both of you watch as his hand closest to you loosens, then shifts half an inch toward yours. You extend a pinky. He extends his in response, keeping only a centimeter of space between you like an unspoken promise.

You sense a kinship with him unlike what you’ve felt with anyone else tonight—or maybe ever—so you have to ask, “Who are you?”

Your mystery man presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek as if you’ve asked him what the meaning of life is. Deftly, he dodges the question. “The most exciting part of your night?”

��Uh-huh,” you deadpan. “And does he have a name?”

His grin widens. “Yup.”

Your heartbeat quickens. He stares at you with an intensity that makes the cosmos quake, and you stare right back, speaking a thousand words while saying nothing at all.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he jokes, and you can’t believe that an overused pun makes you short with laughter. “I’m Dick Grayson. Now you: what should really be on that name tag?”

[darylas]

Chapter 3 - Ghost of a Chance

John "Bucky" Egan x singer!fem!reader first ♫ previous ♫ next ao3

You go on a double date to distract yourself from thoughts of Bucky, a task made more difficult when he is sitting in the same pub.

4.2k words

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Non-consensual use of drugs, Attempted sexual assault, Mild violence

Disclaimer: Most of the characters mentioned are based on the dramatic portrayal featured in the Masters of the Air limited series, not the actual historical figures they represent.

A/N: Please read the warnings! MAJOR tone shift coming in from the north. I promise next chapter will be lighter!

“So, how long have you been in merry old England?”

“Less than a month, though it doesn’t feel that way,” you answered, swiping your thumb across the condensation that had formed quickly on your glass in the humidity of the pub. You were sat across from Lieutenant Tom Foyle, a pilot in the 351st. His dark hair was styled neatly with pomade, his handsome face clean-shaven. Next to you sat Millicent “Millie” Vance, another Red Cross girl who had somehow roped you into being one-fourth of a double date. 

“Oh? Does it feel longer or shorter?” Tom asked. He seemed genuinely interested in your answer, as he had with everything you’d said that evening. He had kind, curious green eyes that made you feel like the only person in the room. 

You looked down at your glass, half empty. “Both. Neither. To be completely honest I’m not quite sure. The work gets so repetitive that time seems to stand still some days, but other times it feels as though the clock is ticking faster than a runaway train. I suppose there’s nothing like war to make time feel rather short.” You gave Tom a reassuring smile, ending your little monologue before it grew any more depressing and soured the whole evening. “Sorry,” you said, holding up your glass. “It appears that gin makes me a tad melancholy.” 

The blond pilot sitting across from Millie spoke up. “That’s funny, it makes me giddy. Of course, that could just be our present company.” He leaned forward, addressing Millie. “I told Tom that you had to be the prettiest girl this side of the ocean.” 

Millie grinned and replied, “Glad we’re not on the other side of the ocean, then,” causing the pilot, Dan, to let out a surprised wheeze of laughter.

While Dan continued his boisterous flirting, saying something about Millie having wit as well as looks, Tom leaned toward you, filling your nostrils with the pleasant scent of his aftershave. He smirked and said in a low voice, “I believe his exact words to me were, ‘What a dish!’.” 

You chuckled softly, pleasantly surprised that you were actually enjoying yourself. “I suppose we can’t all be Humphrey Bogart.”

“Sure, we can.” Tom cocked his head slightly to the side and spoke with Bogart’s deep and gravelly voice. “We’ll always have Paris.”

You laughed as he sat back in his chair with a smile. “You saw Casablanca?” you asked him.

“Yep, right before flying over. I’d go see movies whenever I could.” He huffed a quiet laugh. “Used to think I could be an actor. Wouldn’t that be something? Seeing yourself on the big screen?” He certainly had the looks for it. 

“Maybe after the war, you could pursue an acting career. I’m sure Hollywood would snatch you right up.” Tom smiled bashfully at the compliment. “I actually wanted to be in movies myself when I was younger. Particularly musicals. I’m not much of a dancer but hell, neither is Bing Crosby, and he gets away with it.” You took another sip of gin, inwardly wincing. It was stronger than the drinks you normally favored, but Dan had ordered a round for the table. You had never liked when a man ordered food or drink for a woman, but you didn’t want to embarrass Millie by declining. 

“I’d see your films over Bing’s any day,” responded Tom, who managed to combine flirtation and authenticity with such ease that you were beginning to feel skeptical. You couldn’t help but glance toward the back of the pub, where Major Egan had been sitting with some of the other men for the past hour. You were surprised to find him looking right back at you. He gave you a small smile and a subtle nod. No wink, no devilish grin. Curious. Reflexively, you smiled back, then looked away. 

Much to your annoyance, John Egan had begun to appear in your thoughts almost regularly and uninvited. Ever since that night at the club, he had gotten under your skin like a persistent itch. An egotistical, irritating, handsome, intriguing itch. You kept these thoughts to yourself, as you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his asinine attempt to insult you into a conversation almost worked. By the same token, you were still wary of him, knowing his track record with women. 

You knew, not so deep down, that you had agreed to come on this double date to distract yourself and perhaps meet someone else to occupy your thoughts. Someone like Tom, who picked up his glass and said, “To our Tinseltown dreams, then.” 

You clinked your glass with his and said, “To Bing Crosby and his two left feet.” 

Millie spoke up. “You know, our Red Cross canary here sings an old Bing song just beautifully. The one from that short with Mary Kornman. Anyone who’s ever made coffee and doughnuts with this one in the morning has heard her sing it.” 

You shrugged one shoulder. “Anything to distract me from throwing that blasted doughnut machine out the window. I swear, my poor old Zippo is more reliable than that thing.”

“I thought you said your lighter doesn’t work anymore,” said Millie. 

“Exactly,” you replied, to the laughter of your companions. 

Tom, with laughter still in his voice, looked at you and said, “I’d sure love to hear you sing it sometime. After all, when some bigshot movie producer calls to ask me about your talents, I want to give him an accurate description.”

Dan scoffed. “Why would a movie producer call you about her?”

Tom lightly smacked his friend on the shoulder. “Why would anyone call you about anything?”

Dan’s blond mustache twitched as he smirked. “You’re hilarious. Anybody ever tell you what a gasser you are?”

There was a brief pause, during which your traitorous eyes suddenly flicked back to that table in the back of the pub. Major Egan was not looking at you this time, his attention currently fixed on his friend Lieutenant Curtis Biddick while he seemed to be mimicking various boxing forms. Egan laughed and hollered with the rest of the men at the table. He looked younger when he laughed, less like a commanding officer and more like a carefree young man. You assumed he shouldered a great many cares, and that the weight of them would only increase as the war continued. The humidity of the pub had caused a few curls to come loose over his forehead, the fire behind him giving his skin a warm glow.

“I’m sure the pianist knows it,” said Millie, breaking you out of what you could only describe as a trance before the Major caught you staring.

“Knows what?” you asked, praying to high heaven you weren’t blushing.

 “The song! You could sing it here!” 

“Oh, Millie, please. Most of these boys hear far too much of my caterwauling back at base. They come here to get away from that. Besides, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m in the middle of a date.” You gestured between yourself and Tom. 

Tom smiled. “As much as I’m enjoying said date, I think the one thing it’s missing is a beautiful song sung by a beautiful lady. And I think all the guys in here would agree with me.” 

“I don’t think they would-”

“What, you want me to take a poll?” asked Millie, teasingly. “Dan, sweetie, would you mind?”

Alright, maybe she wasn’t teasing. Dan stood up and shouted, “Gentlemen! Who wants to hear our 100th canary sing us a song?” His question was answered with a chorus of affirmative shouts and whistles from around the pub. 

Tom looked at you and grinned. “Sounds like you better head over there.”

You grinned back and let out a resigned huff of breath before standing up. “I suppose orders are orders, Lieutenant.”

═════ ♫ ═════

Bucky heard your laughter from across the pub. His eyes immediately turned towards you as the sound reached him, his instincts taking over before his thoughts could catch up. He’d seen you walk in with one of the pilots in the 351st, decked out and chatting with Millie Vance. You were smiling at that pilot now; not the plastered-on, rehearsed, all-American smile he had grown used to seeing at Thorpe Abbotts. This was the real thing, and it was beautiful. What would he give to be the reason for that smile? To be the one to make you laugh like that?

He would fly through a thousand miles of flak. 

Bucky rubbed a hand over his face. He might just be the most pathetic man in the entire fucking world. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he was so keen on someone. You had to be some sort of siren, luring him out to sea with your alluring voice, only to drag him down, down, down, to the depths of the ocean. He was surprised to find he didn’t mind. With a barely concealed smirk, he realized that being eaten alive by you would not be a terrible way to die. 

You had glanced his way once or twice, no doubt feeling his eyes on you. He had tried to look away, to focus on the stories told around the table, but he simply couldn’t help himself. His gaze kept falling back on you. He had never seen you without your Red Cross uniform, and the dress you were wearing had clearly been custom-designed to drive him crazy.

Bucky was grateful for Curt’s loud voice and enthusiasm as he talked about boxing. The distraction was a welcome one, though he supposed that you were the true distraction in this case and not the other way around. 

“I can’t believe Buck didn’t come,” said Curt, finishing off his whiskey. “He knows exactly what I’m talkin’ about. The high guard stance ain’t shit in the ring. It’s all about-”

“Gentlemen!” called a voice from across the pub. “Who wants to hear our 100th canary sing us a song?” The place was filled with the sound of whoops and hollers from nearly every table. Bucky watched you grin at your date–Foyle–and stand up before walking to the piano.

Curt didn’t miss a beat before saying, “Uh oh. Look out boys, you might see Bucky cry. The music really gets to’m.”

“Yeah, the music’s lookin’ like a solid sender in that dress,” said Hambone, earning a round of laughter from the table. 

Bucky smiled good-naturedly, used to the ribbing at this point. “Alright, alright, laugh it up. Since when is a guy not allowed to appreciate a beautiful dame, huh?”

"Bucky, you've been eyeing her all night," Jack interjected. "You stare at her more than Douglass stares at that photo of Betty Grable he keeps in his pocket." Another round of laughs. Bucky took a long sip of whiskey as Curt patted him on the back with a grin.

He watched you lean down to speak softly to the pianist before standing up straight and clearing your throat. “Don’t you boys hear enough of me as it is? I don’t know what’s gotten into you; well, I suppose I have some idea,” you said, tapping your nail against someone’s glass to make a plinking sound. The crowd laughed, many raising their drinks. “I’m going to sing an old song, but I asked my new friend Alan here to keep it short. I have a drink of my own I’d like to get back to.”

Next to him, Curt laughed before leaning over and saying, “She might be too much of a firecracker for your sorry ass.” Bucky elbowed him in the arm, making him laugh harder. As the pianist started playing a slow, pleasant melody, Curt leaned in again and said, “Or…she just might be perfect for your sorry ass.” Bucky furrowed his brow and turned his head to look at his friend, who smirked and shrugged. “What? I get sappy when I drink.” Bucky didn’t have time to reply before you began to sing.

I need your love so badly

I love you, oh, so madly

But I don't stand a

Ghost of a chance with you

You sauntered between the tables as you sang, the patrons smiling up at you. Bucky preferred when you sang slower songs like this one, the drawn-out notes more sensuous and poignant. As you came within ten feet of his table, you stopped moving. Your eyes met his and lingered for a moment as you continued your song. He was spellbound.

I thought at last I'd found you

But other loves surround you

And I don't stand a

Ghost of a chance with you

You walked back to the piano, leaning elegantly against it as you finished the last line of the song. Applause rang throughout the pub and you nodded graciously before shouting, “How about my new friend, our amazing pianist, Mr. Alan Bennett?” The applause and shouts continued as you said “Thank you; enjoy your evening,” then headed back to your seat. 

When Bucky saw you smile once again, genuinely, at Foyle, the spell was broken. No, he hadn’t been on the receiving end of that smile yet, but your shared moment just now gave him a glimpse of hope. You had looked at him differently then, not with contempt or that devastating neutrality from before, but with something else.

Christ, he really was pathetic, knowing that look would be all he thought about for the rest of the night. He deserved the boys’ ragging, as well as another glass of whiskey.

═════ ♫ ═════

You listened to Millie tell an amusing story about an old neighbor back home as you finished your drink. Even though you weren’t currently talking, you noticed Tom stealing frequent glances at you. You smiled encouragingly at him before fanning yourself with a napkin, the heat in the pub somehow having gotten worse. 

As Millie continued her story, your thoughts drifted to Major Egan. When your eyes met his grey ones during the song, you were struck by the tenderness and reverence in his gaze. He hadn’t looked at you like a prize, like an object to be used until he grew bored of it. You had held that gaze for longer than you intended; it didn’t change, but you felt like you did. 

For that brief moment, no more than five seconds, you were no longer in the pub, but somewhere else entirely. You weren’t sure exactly where you were during this momentary lapse of reality, but you knew you had gotten there through his eyes. You had always heard of getting lost in someone’s eyes, but in that moment, you didn’t feel lost. Instead, you felt as though you were exactly where you were meant to be.

Perhaps you had been too quick to judge him.

Perhaps you should get to know him better.

Perhaps it had just been a man watching a woman while she sang. 

All of these confusing thoughts were beginning to give you a headache. 

In fact, the noise of the pub seemed to grow louder by the second, and the lights seemed to get brighter. You squinted. 

“Honey, are you alright?” asked Millie. You hadn’t realized she’d stopped talking. You gave her a reassuring smile.

“Yes, yes I’m fine. I think the crowded room is getting to me. I might need to step outside for a moment; get some fresh air.” You scooted your chair away from the table.

Both men stood as you did so. Tom pushed in his chair and came around to your side of the table, looking concerned. “Can I accompany you outside? I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“Of course. I’d appreciate it, actually.” You looked at Millie. “We’ll be right back.”

As you stood up, you lost your balance and braced your hands on the table, causing the legs to make a loud noise as they shifted. You flushed with embarrassment as multiple patrons looked in your direction, some sniggering to each other. Millie put a delicate hand on your arm. “Are you sure you’re alright? I think we need to head back.”

You waved her off. “No, no, I’m fine. I’m fine. I just stood up too fast. A few minutes of fresh air and I’ll be good as new. Don’t you dare move; this is your one night out. I’m fine.”

Millie continued to look at you with skepticism and concern, but Tom offered you his arm and you took it, walking toward the front of the pub with slow, deliberate steps. 

Suddenly, you were outside the pub, still holding on tight to Tom’s arm. You breathed in the night air, hoping it would clear your head. It didn’t. 

“Feel any better?” asked Tom. 

You looked at him and were alarmed to see that you were no longer outside the front entrance, but alone with him around the side of the building. You couldn’t remember how you got there, but Tom’s arm was still in your grasp. You continued to cling to it, as your dizziness had gotten worse and you were afraid you might fall flat on your face if you let go. 

“No, I….don’t,” you answered, having difficulty forming the words. This sudden ailment was clearly something that needed more than fresh air to fix, and you knew it was time to call it a night. Could you really be this drunk? Yes, the gin had been stronger than what you normally drank, but you only had one glass.

Tom looked at you with concern. “I’m so sorry. Are you feeling well enough for the trip back? It would probably be safer to book you a room for the night.” He stroked the back of your hand with his thumb. 

“I think I’d like to…to go back to base and get in bed.”

“Is that an invitation?” he asked softly, brushing the backs of his fingers down your bare arm.

“Nnnn…no.” The pain in your head was worsening, your mind telling you that you needed to leave. Now. 

Tom spoke your name, his voice still soft. “I think that you and I go together so well. You’re incredibly witty, charming, and so lovely.” You felt him stroke the side of your face. You went to push his hand away, but it was gone when you lifted your hand to your face. “I’m curious to see if our compatibility goes beyond the conversational level, aren’t you?”

When you looked at him again, your head spinning with the effort, his handsome face still held the same charm and sincerity from before. 

“Tom, I want to leave. Right now!” You wrenched yourself free from his grasp and turned toward the street. Your movements had been too sudden and you stumbled forward, haphazardly throwing your hands out to avoid falling on your face. You closed your eyes and braced for the feeling of asphalt on your palms, but it never came. When you opened your eyes, you saw the dark olive drab of a military uniform and felt strong arms around you. Of course Tom had easily caught you. You prepared to scream for help—

“The hell is going on out here?” 

The person who’d caught you hadn’t been Tom. It was that major. He stood with you still limp in his arms, Millie close behind him looking panicked. 

He looked at you, then at Tom, then back at you, his expression quickly morphing from confusion to alarm. You must have been quite a sight. 

With urgency in his voice, he spoke your name. “Are you alright? What’s the matter?”

You stood up, another wave of dizziness crashing over you as Millie rushed to help you. “I think I’m…quite unwell, Mister…sorry, Major…” You looked at him quizzically, his name escaping you. Why couldn’t you think of his name? His face had been in your thoughts constantly over the past few days. 

The man reluctantly removed his arms from around you and allowed Millie to support you. “It’s Bucky. But you still only call me Major Egan, remember?” He looked terribly worried, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to address it. Your only concern right now was getting away from Tom and into bed. You were so tired. When you didn’t respond to him, stumbling once more into Millie, his expression changed again to one of fury. He turned toward Tom, who had begun inching his way out of sight. 

Bucky moved fast enough to exacerbate your dizziness, grabbing Tom by the lapels of his jacket and shoving him against the wall. “You put somethin’ in her drink? Did you do this to her?” The quiet, menacing calm of his voice was a stark contrast to his violent actions. 

Tom had the good sense to look frightened for a moment, before flashing his handsome smile at the seething major. “I was just offering to escort her back to base,” he said. “Clearly the poor thing can’t take her liquor. I didn’t do a damn thing to her drink.”

“Like hell you didn’t,” replied Bucky, before he let go of Tom’s jacket and punched him in the face. Hard. Millie shrieked.

Tom fell to the ground in a graceless heap, his nose bleeding and misshapen. Putting a hand up to his nose, he yelled, “What the hell was-”

“You need to get the fuck out of here right now or your nose won’t be the only thing I break tonight.” Bucky’s fist was clenched, blood on the knuckles. Tom scrambled away and was soon out of sight. 

Bucky turned back toward you and Millie. “She needs to see a doctor,” he said to your friend. 

Millie let out a sigh and replied with a tired voice. “No, she doesn’t; not right now anyway.”

Bucky gestured furiously at you. “Look at her!” You frowned and looked away.

Millie spoke with a cold gravity you had never heard from her before. “I see her, Bucky, and unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen something like this. I know how to help, and I’m taking her back to base. Her symptoms should be gone tomorrow, but she needs rest.” 

Bucky said nothing for several seconds, then pinched the bridge of his nose. He said quickly, “Alright. Fine. But if anything, anything, seems off, you take her straight to Smokey, understand?” 

“I understand. I’ll take her tomorrow, just to make sure everything’s okay.” Millie began leading you toward the front of the building and the street, with Bucky following close behind. Eventually you were back in front of the pub.

Bucky looked at you, began to reach toward you, then put his hand in his pocket. “Let me take you home. Or would a room here be better?”

You stiffened.

“Excuse me?” you said, your head pounding.

Bucky looked taken aback at your sudden tone. “I just wondered if it would be better for you to get a room here for the night so you can rest.”

Son of a bitch. 

You pointed a finger at his chest, missing and poking his shoulder. “You. Is this what you wanted?”

Bucky furrowed his brow and shook his head. “What are you talking about? You think I wanted this to happen?”

“I saw you. I saw you looking at us…looking at mm..me. Was this part of your plan?”

Millie, who had her arm looped through yours, put a hand on your shoulder and said, “Honey, I know you’re confused, it’s not your f-”

“Did you think that you would play the knight in shining armor and that...that I would fall into your arms, overcome with- with gratitude? You thought I would g..go to bed with you?” Bucky shook his head vehemently and opened his mouth to speak, but you kept going. “I knew it. I knew that a dance would never just be a dance with you. I knew it.” You swayed, but Millie tightened her hold on you and you stayed upright. “I knew it,” you said to her. 

She rubbed your back soothingly. “Okay, honey. Let’s get you in bed, alright?” She turned to Bucky and spoke so quietly you couldn’t hear her over the noise of the music inside. You watched as Bucky nodded, his lips pressed tightly together. He looked back at you, nothing but concern in his eyes. But that’s how Tom had looked.

Fighting the pain at the front of your skull and the increasing urge to vomit in the nearest waste bin, you let go of Millie’s arm and took a wobbly step toward him. He removed his hands from his pockets, ready to catch you again, but you stayed upright. You said to him in a low voice, “I think you’re despicable.” The major said nothing, still watching you with the same worried look on his face. Inside the pub, you heard the pianist start playing “Blue Skies”, followed by at least two shouts of Bucky’s name. “Sounds like you’re missing your ‘signature song,’ Major. Please, don’t let me keep you.” 

With that, you allowed Millie to once again wind her arm through yours and lead you away from the pub, hopefully on a path toward your bed. She sighed. “Don’t worry, I told him you didn’t mean a word you said.” You frowned at her, confused. “I’m so sorry; if I had any idea that Tom was such a…” She sighed again. “Never mind. It does no good to apologize to you now when you won’t remember it. We’ll talk again tomorrow.” 

As you made your way back to your barracks, fighting sleep the whole way, all you could think of was a slow song and two grey eyes staring into yours.

[rashomonss]

Late Nights

a/n: I’m kinda tipsy and I’m listening to jazz rn so ofc I’m in my feels, also I’ll post a dateables version if y’all like these (*´▽`*)

“I enjoy your company”

Late nights with Lucifer consist of sitting in the comfort of his office as the fire crackles its hypnotizing little sparks.

Just the two of you, listening to some of his favorite music as it plays in the background.

His tie is loose and his top buttons are undone. You on the other hand are wearing something comfortable but still use his large fluffy coat as a blanket; not that he minds.

The two of you just sit and end up talking about yourselves as well as life in general. It’s times like this where Lucifer truly bares everything he is to you without the worry of any judgement on your end.

You also in turn, bare your true self to the Avatar of Pride who relishes in the thought of learning more about you.

Maybe it’s due to the drinking you both have been doing, or maybe it’s due to the comforting atmosphere you both share; but no matter what it is Lucifer finds himself enjoying moments like this the most.

And the simple reason behind that is the fact that he will always enjoy you and your company no matter what, for he truly loves your whole being with all his heart.

Late nights with Mammon are you both cuddling up together on his couch staring at the large tv in his room.

Candy and chip bags are scattered across his table but the two of you are too warm and comfortable to go throw them away.

A stack of DVD’s can be found on his side of the couch; this pile contains the ones both of you have already watched. Another stack can also be found on your side of the couch, those are the movies you both have yet to watch.

Currently on the tv, a cheesy Devildom romcom plays and the two of you joke and make fun of the main couple. His laughter and yours mix together until they become one unified laughter filling up his room.

Mammon bashes the main love interest for being to chicken to tell the girl he likes his feelings, to which you laugh and reply “that sounds like someone I know”

Immediately his face goes red, however he does explain to you that he’s never be like that loser, because he claims that you already know he’s head over heels for you. In response you smile at his protests.

The longer the movie drags on the more you both find yourselves snuggling closer. You two have no room to talk because you’re cheesy enough just being yourselves, but it’s okay neither of you actually mind.

After the movie ends Mammon does claim that he truly does love you, and how he always will.

Late nights with Levi end up in tears and screaming, as the two of you hold each other and cry after finishing an anime.

Before the two of you were gaming, but Levi decided to take a break brace he just wasn’t in the mood to game, so you suggested a few new shows that had just come out. And of course he could never deny that.

You both went to the kitchen before starting your anime marathon and grabbed a few things then went back to his room and settled down together in his bean bag and blankets pile.

You had suggested cuddling and finally after awhile he had given in.

how as each episode passed you began to wonder, how many have the two of you binged today alone? Five? Maybe seven? If you’re being honest you lost count awhile ago.

You both had currently just finish watching a new series that came out, and honestly it was a lovely romance at first…until the main character died that is.

The story was so well written and animated that by the end of the season you both were a crying mess as you hugged each other with a death grip.

Levi cried and begged for you not to leave him, and you in turn did the same as the two of you rolled around in each others arms on the floor, whispering how much you two loved each other.

Sometimes others only realize and express their true emotions through the pain of watching others.

Late nights with Satan consist of you laying your head on his lap as he reads another chapter of the new book you both were currently fond of.

You both had finished two books already earlier in the day, so was one more so wrong?

As Satan sat on his bed reading aloud your head rested on his lap and he had unconsciously been running his fingers through your hair for the past 15 minutes.

He was unaware of how tired he made you with this action but you were determined to stay awake for the rest of the book, after all it was just getting to the good part.

So after he finished the last chapter you decided to take over and read aloud instead, to which he greatly appreciated it. Now it was his turn to lay on your lap. And if he’s being honest he had been waiting to for awhile.

As you began the next chapter Satan couldn’t find himself concentrating on the words at all, instead he took in the scenery of his room at that very moment.

Over at his table was a pot of tea and your two matching cat tea cups. Next to it was a small desert tower that was now empty, if he remembers correctly you had eaten most of the top snacks. The rest of his room may have been messy yes, but messy or not the scenery made you look beautiful.

As you continued to read he looked up at you and admired how the moonlight hit you as it shone through the window. Then sighting to himself Satan relaxed as he felt your hands in his hair, softly running your fingers through it.

There was truly no place in the world he would rather be than here with you in this very moment.

Late nights with Asmo have the two of you laying on his soft bed with matching pajamas and face masks.

Asmo sits up and does your nails, as well as inform you about the latest gossip while your head lays in his lap.

Soft music is played to set the mood and he has a dim lamp on as well, and the TV can also be heard in the background.

After he finishes with your nails you both head to his private bathroom to wash off the face masks and take a nice bath together.

When he’s with you, he makes sure to use all of his expensive bath salts and bubble bath products, after all they’re only used for special occasions such as these. He loves spoiling himself and you.

Asmo always sets the bath at the perfect temperature as well as the perfect fragrance when you both get in, to the point it makes you sleepy. Not to worry though, Asmo has no qualms against washing you, as long as you’re okay with it. But be warned he will want you to wash him back.

Once your bath is done he does his skin care as well as yours if you deem yourself to tired; and will also apply his favorite lotions and creams to your skin for that extra soothing feel. Lastly once the two of you are finally done you cuddle up under his soft fluffy sheets and listen to him tell you how much he truly adores you.

Late nights with Beel take place in the House of Lamentation kitchen.

You both wanted a small late-night snack and thus met in the kitchen to prepare one.

He decided to take over the cooking this time so you sat on a stool and listened to him talk as he cooked your favorite food.

Every now and then you’d have to remind him to stop eating the ingredients because he’d run out eventually. He would always smile in return but no matter what he’d still nibble on a few here and there.

Beel then began telling you about his upcoming fangol matches as well as how practice was going. He liked talk to you about matter such as these, he wanted you to be the first to know after all, but don’t tell Belphie he said that, he might get a bit sad.

As you listened to him talk he took the liberty of feeding you small bites of food asking if it was to your liking as well as if you had any feedback for him.

Once the food was finished he pulled up another stool and joined you, continuing to talk about anything he found interesting.

However you had become full quite quickly from being fed so much earlier that you decided to feed him the rest of your food, which he happily enjoyed.

After you finished he then insisted that you needed to feed him the rest of his food too. You smiled and kissed his cheek as he happily continued eating.

Food does taste the best when it’s shared with the people you love the most.

Late nights with Belphie consist of you both laying on the roof of the House of Lamentation and looking up at the beautiful night sky.

Sure it took a bit of convincing on his end to get you up here but it was worth it, after all the view of the Devildom sky during this time was incredible.

You both spent your time pointing out stars and Belphie continued to tell you interesting facts about his favorite ones.

He pulled you close to him and for once, let you lay in his lap as he continued to talk about his love for the stars.

The way the stars sparkled off his two-toned eyes was the most beautiful thing in the world. Not to mention the way he talked to you.

His voice is so full of love and warmth you found it hard to pay attention to what he was telling you. As he spoke he too watched the stars reflect off your eyes as well and felt his heart stop for just a second.

He had never seen anything more beautiful than the views he would look up to see when he was with you. And it was then he believed, that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, and he wouldn’t change anything for you.

[toomanyfandoms-notenoughfics]

Celestial Beings

Chapter Ten: Dazed

Characters: Remus Lupin, Molly Weasley, Sirius Black, Nymphadora Tonks, Female Reader

Summary: After a night of binge drinking breakfast takes an unexpected turn, Remus and (Y/n) have a little bonding time afterward.

Word Count: 3,526

Warnings: Blood, Violence, Swearing, Self-Loathing, Minor Self-Harm, Body Parts, Altered Reality

Reminders: @nicolegrace2004 @alohastitch0626

“I regret letting you in my room.” (Y/n) groans as Sirius wakes her up. “If I knew you would wake me up after getting me obliteratingly drunk, I would’ve said fuck off.”

“Morning to you too.” Sirius yawns. “Molly’s knocked twice. You don’t want her to knock again.”

“Let her knock.” (Y/n) waves him off, turning away from him. “I need sleep.”

“I unfortunately agree with Sirius.” Remus says from the floor near the foot of the bed. “And she’s headed up the stairs as we speak.”

“Don’t care.” (Y/n) mumbles tiredly. “Sleep.”

“Nope.” Sirius says, stealing the blanket from her and tossing it aside. “Up, before Molly lectures me on being a bad influence.”

“You are a bad influence.” Remus stretches as he gets up from the floor. “With a heart of gold.”

“Rude.” Sirius sticks out his tongue at Remus. “Besides, it’s breakfast. Toast, eggs, bacon, sausage. You know you’ll love it, (y/n).”

“No, sleep.” She groans sitting up. “I want sleep, not food. Not even hungry.”

“You didn’t even eat last night, you’re eating breakfast.” Sirius frowns.

“Why didn’t you eat?” Remus asks confused. “Wait, why would you drink on an empty stomach? That’s just asking for a hangover.”

“Prefer to not answer, and yes it is as I’m now finding out.” (Y/n) says stumbling from the bed. “I don’t drink normally.”

“You said you’d drink me under the table any night or day!” Sirius laughs. “Big talk for such a lightweight.”

“I kept pace pretty well.” She mutters, walking over to the dresser and opening the top drawer. She plucks a random shirt and pair of pants out. “At least I’m not a complete and total lush like you.” She flashes him a quick smile.

There’s a quick knock at the door interrupting the conversation. Molly walks in, a frown on her face as she sees the empty scotch bottle on the ground.

“Well, at least the three of you got along.” She tuts, walking over to the windows and flinging the curtains open wide. Sirius and (y/n) both yelp at the sudden change of light. “Breakfast is ready downstairs. Perhaps the three of you could grace us all with your flattering presence?”

“Sorry Molly, my bad.” Sirius says sheepishly. “We’ll be down shortly.”

“Good. The food will be cold if you don’t hurry.” Molly raises a brow at (y/n). “Are you alright, dear? You’re shaking.”

“I’m fine.” (Y/n) waves her worries off. “Just cold I guess. And a bit hungover to be honest.”

“Well hurry on down, some toast and eggs should do you some good then.” Molly offers her a small smile. “You’ve got time to change if you need to. These two I need to speak with for a moment anyways so we’ll give you some privacy.”

“Thanks.” (Y/n) yawns, waving to them as they all leave the room.

(Y/n) changes as quickly as she can, stumbling on the pant legs once or twice. As she reaches for the door handle her hand begins trembling. She shakes it off, muttering to herself about being paranoid.

Stepping out into the hall something seems wrong, the paintings and portraits were all frozen in place. (Y/n) blinked a few times in shock. Everything was desaturated, the life seemingly sucked dry from every object. Cautiously she reached for one of the paintings, gently brushing her fingertips along the frame.

The frame turned to dust, spreading to the others near it. Horrified she jumped back, covering her mouth to muffle her yelp. She rushed down the stairs, avoiding touching the paintings. She could feel a sense of fear working its way up her spine as she reached the bottom floor.

Bolting through the dining room door she was met with an empty table, broken lights and silence. Cobwebs covered everything, a rat scurried along the floor over her foot and out the door. She bit her lip to stay quiet as she slowly stepped toward the kitchen, hearing the sound of dripping water. She was trembling now, the air grew colder as she walked, enough to see her breath in front of her. Cautiously she opened the kitchen door.

“…/n)? (Y/n)?” Remus called out behind her as the life and color returned to the world around her. He had his hands out in front of him, as if approaching a dangerous animal. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“W-where’d you come from?” She asked confused, looking around the room. Food was everywhere, as if the table had exploded. The kids were huddled behind Molly, Tonks, and Sirius, who were all clutching their wands. “What’s going on? W-what happened?”

“You need to calm down first.” Remus spoke softly. “You’re heartbeat is racing, just take a moment.”

“Why?” (Y/n) asked, taking a step forward and hearing a crunch. She looked down to see she had stepped on a broken glass. Not only that but she was covered in food herself. She felt her stomach drop to the floor, ice running through her veins as she understood what had happened. “No, no, no..” she muttered.

“(Y/n) you’ve got to calm down okay? Please just listen to me.” Remus took a step forward. “No one’s seriously hurt. It’s alright, you didn’t mean to.”

“I did all this?” Her voice cracked. “I hurt someone?”

“Don’t worry about that right now.” Remus takes another step toward her, glancing at something above her nervously. “We can figure it all out in a moment.”

“Remus, careful.” Sirius warned, looking above (y/n).

“I know Sirius.” Remus shot him a glare. “(Y/n) I need you to slowly walk toward me.”

“Why?” She growled. “You’re all going to put me back in the basement now aren’t you? No, you’ll hand me over to that barbaric Moody!”

“We aren’t going to do any of that.” Remus assures.

“Get the kids out of here.” Sirius tells Molly and Tonks. “We’ve got this.”

“(Y/n) please just walk toward me, slow though.” Remus urges again. He’s looking directly above her now, concern written on his features.

(Y/n) feels something drop to her side, making a large thud sound. Instinctively she turns to look, seeing a disembodied arm roll on the floor. The sound of the dining room door shutting behind the kids echoes through the room. She looks upward slowly, scrambling backward toward Remus as she sees it. An amalgamation of body parts, stuck to the ceiling, moving on their own.

“This is just a dream. Just a bad dream.” She whispers, shaking her head. “She’s not here, it’s just a dream.”

“(Y/n), who is that?” Remus asks her. “Or, who was it?”

“I-I don’t… I don’t know.” She stutters. “It’s… it’s always been a n-nightmare. Always different people.”

“How do we get rid of it?” Sirius asks, glaring at it.

“It’s elemental.” (Y/n) says quickly as it peels itself from the ceiling. “Fire makes it stronger. Um, uh, earth does nothing I think.”

“You think?” Sirius looks at her appalled. “You don’t know?”

“Like I said, it was always just a bad dream!” She squeaks out. The body grabs it’s head from underneath one of the seats and puts it back onto it’s shoulders. (Y/n) feels the color drain from her face as she recognizes the person. “No, no that’s not right.”

“What is it, (y/n)?” Remus asks concerned.

“She looks… that… no it’s just a trick.” (Y/n) tells herself. She shuts her eyes tightly before she speaks again. “Uh, try water. These things are mostly held together by dirt, dust and clay with a bit of the original person at the center.”

“Aqua Erecto!” Remus and Sirius shout, aiming their wands at the creature right as it lunges for (y/n) again. It’s hand scrapes her cheek as it is sent flying backward by two jets of water, becoming nothing more than a pile of flesh, bone, dirt and clay.

“Thank Merlin.” Sirius sighs relieved.

“(Y/n)?” Remus looked to see her holding her cheek, a look of terror and guilt on her face. “Are you alright?”

“What happened?” She asked, ignoring his question. Her body was still trembling. “Before, what happened before?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Remus asks her.

“Changing, and then… then I went into the hall b-but it was wrong?” She stuttered. “The paintings were froze, and I-I touched one and it… it just became dust.”

“So you don’t remember when that thing attacked you?” Sirius looks at Remus concerned.

“She attacked me?” (Y/n) looked at the pile of parts confused. “No, I just… I ran down the stairs, in here, and it was empty. There was a noise in the… the um… the kitchen I think. I went to open the door and then I was here.”

“You don’t remember getting thrown down the stairs?” Sirius looks at her concerned. He still has his wand tightly gripped in his hand. “Or slamming the thing down onto the table?”

“No.” (Y/n) shook her head. “I don’t, I really don’t remember.”

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Remus says breaking the tension. “We can worry about the rest of the details later.” He holds his hand to her, putting his wand away.

(Y/n) glances at his hand, then to Sirius’s wand, and to the pile. She takes a deep breath and nods. Taking one last look at the mush of the thing that attacked her, she notices something shining from inside it. Ignoring the men’s protests she goes toward it, reaching her hand in and grabbing out the object.

“That’s disgusting.” Sirius says, shuddering.

“What is that?” Remus asks as (y/n) puts the object in her pocket. “Is it safe?”

“It’s fine.” (Y/n) says quietly. “It’s… um, I think anyways that um… it’s my mom’s locket.”

“Your mom?” Remus tilts his head. Sirius’s eyes go wide.

“Was that-” Sirius starts.

“Yes.” (Y/n) says quickly, not looking at either of them. “That thing… it was my mom.”

“(Y/n)…” Remus moves toward her, broken glass making noise as he steps on it. “Let’s get you out of here, yeah?”

“I’ll call Kreatcher to clean all this up.” Sirius speaks up. “I’ll come find you two in a bit.”

“Come on.” Remus leads her out the door to the hallway.

She freezes as she sees the claw marks in the wallpaper, portraits and paintings being rehung and fixed, the kids looking at her in fear. Remus nudges her along, careful to avoid the splintered wood from the banisters on the floor. (Y/n) doesn’t say a word as he takes her upstairs, too focused on the mess she must’ve left. They end up in one of the many luxurious bathrooms on her floor, Remus shutting the door behind them.

“Sit.” Remus tells her, motioning to the closed toilet lid. She listens and makes her way over, careful to avoid seeing her reflection in the mirrors she looks down at her feet. “Hands.” He says simply, his own holding a wet towel. She nods, lifting one of her hands for him. “Shit… um, (y/n) can you feel any of those cuts?” He raises her arm up into her view.

“Sorta.” Her voice is flat. “Didn’t notice them until now.”

“So you probably didn’t notice your back or legs either then?” He asks. She looks at him confused as she shakes her head. “It’s not terrible, you’ve got a few splinters and cuts on your back from the stairs, maybe a bit of glass but nothing too major. And your legs are about the same, except for the sizable chunk of wood in your thigh.”

“Oh.” She looks down at her legs in confusion. Seeing the stake in her thigh she reaches toward it with her free hand, but Remus stops her.

“We will get to that, first let me clean your hands. Maybe you’ll stop picking at them that way.” He says, dabbing her right hand with the towel gently. “You started doing it when you saw the hallway. Your heartbeat also started racing.”

“Huh.” She lets out a small chuckle. “Wow, haven’t done that in a while. Since 2nd year actually. I used to always pick at my hands, fingernails especially. Thought I grew out of it.”

“2nd year?” Remus gently wrapped her hand in a bandage. “Why?”

“In a weird way it used to help.” She shrugs as Remus does the same thing with her other hand. The pain from her injuries becoming more noticeable. “I don’t know why exactly, just did it when I felt overwhelmed. Now that I say it out loud it sounds awful. For a lot of reasons.”

“Turn.” Remus tells her, getting a new towel, a bowl and a pair of tweezers. “Back next.”

“Right.” (Y/n) nods, turning to the side. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the necklace. She holds the locket in her hand, staring at it. “I never knew her when she was alive you know. But I asked about her. A whole lot, you could ask anyone.”

“How do you know that’s her’s?” Remus peeks at the locket.

“I met her ghost once.” (Y/n) admits. “I was little, like 4 or 5. Maybe 6. I was wandering where I shouldn’t have. Stumbled across this hidden cave behind a small group of trees and ivy. Literally stumbled. Face first. And there she was.”

“And she was your mom?” Remus asks. “She told you that?”

“Well… not exactly.” (Y/n) sighs. “She couldn’t remember how she died, or really anything from before. But she remembered her name. I ended up accidentally mentioning seeing her at dinner that night, referred to her by name.”

“I take it it didn’t go well?” Remus says as he picks out pieces of glass and wood from her back.

“It was before I knew the difference between someone speaking and someone thinking.” She starts to pry the locket open. Inside there’s nothing other than the decayed remnants of a old photo. “I don’t remember much after that other than a lot of shouting. Screaming maybe?”

“And the locket?” Remus finishes bandaging her back quickly.

“Her ghost was wearing it.” (Y/n) shrugged. “Or rather a ghostly version of it. Not the real thing like this. I thought it was pretty.”

“You can turn back around now, got to do your legs next.” He fetches another towel and bowl. She turns to face him, putting the locket back in her pocket. “Why did you say you didn’t know who it was?”

“There wasn’t a face yet, and… she’d never been one in my dreams.” (Y/n) shrugged. “She’s never been in any of my dreams actually. Not that I can recall.”

“This is going to hurt, just to warn you.” Remus says grabbing the end of the wood sticking out of her leg. “Yell if you need to.”

“I can do it if you don’t want to.” (Y/n) tells him. “I can hear your thoughts, remember? You don’t want to hurt me by pulling it out. You think loud.”

“Sorry.” He mutters. “I can do it-”

“Here.” (Y/n) moves his hand and pulls out the giant splinter from her thigh in one swift movement. She winces, biting the inside of her cheek and holding her breath for a moment to stay calm.

“That was deeper than I thought.” Remus whispers to himself, quickly grabbing his wand and waving it above it. “Vulnera Sanentur.”

“Bone deep?” She asked curiously.

“Not quite, but enough it’ll still take a bit to heal naturally too.” Remus wraps her thigh and moves to clean the other wounds. “Are you okay?”

“No fatal wounds, so yes?” She answers confused.

“No, not.. not physically.” He clarifies. “Emotionally. Everything just happened and you’re unsettingly calm about it.”

“Oh.” She stays silent for a moment. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”

“Course.” He nods, offering her a small smile. “If you need to cry though, or scream even, it’s okay. It’s not a sign of weakness to be upset.”

“I just don’t understand what happened.” she sighs. “I do, but not completely. What happened in my room that led to all this? Was I attacked in there or outside my door? Was I even me if I can’t remember fighting with her? There’s too many questions without answers. I don’t like it.”

“You said you touched a painting and it turned to dust or something?” Remus asks. She nods. “Do you remember which one?”

“Maybe.” she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and quickly looks away. “It’s all faded in my head now, like a distant memory. But I remember it was so real, and quiet, and lifeless.”

“Sounds awful.” He finishes bandaging her up. “No one else was hurt, in case you were worrying about that. Not by you at least.”

“Still my fault though.” She shrugs. “I brought her down there with me, didn’t I? I don’t remember it, but I must’ve.”

“More like it treated you like a ragdoll, throwing you every which way until you got into the kitchen.” Remus tells her. “Not saying you weren’t a little frightening in your own right, but shambling body parts being body slammed onto breakfast might’ve taken the spotlight.”

“Not to the kids.” (Y/n) mutters, slowly standing up.

“Give them time, this hasn’t happened before to anyone.” Remus vanishes the dirty towels and bowls. “You had that look in your eyes, the one that you had when Moody attacked you.”

“I lost control.” She lets out a dry laugh, suprising him. “Why not, right? Perfect for me really, losing my shit again. Proves him right though, doesn’t it? I’m dangerous, should be stuck in a fucking cage.”

“(Y/n) that’s not-”

“No, no it’s fine.” (Y/n) looks at herself fully in the mirror this time. “I deserve it. I deserve worse.”

“(Y/n) stop.” Remus pulls her away from the mirror, gently making her look at him. “Now listen to me, just listen. You aren’t in trouble here. You aren’t some thing to be hidden away. You didn’t deserve this. No one deserves this.”

“Then why?” She pushes him away lightly. “Why else would he do this if I didn’t do something to earn it?”

“I don’t know why, I wish I could tell you.” Remus speaks to her softly. “Sometimes there is no reason why. Sometimes terrible people just do terrible things to others.”

(Y/n) doesn’t respond. She looks down at her hands, still trembling from earlier. Her chest feels tighter, the lump in her throat growing. Her face feels warm, her eyesight getting blurry.

Remus pulls her into a hug as she starts loudly sobbing. He pets her hair soothingly, lightly rocking her back and forth. Her legs give out beneath her, but he keeps her upright by holding her tightly. He lowers the both of them carefully to the bathroom floor.

“How’re things in here?” Sirius asks as he opens the door. He looks at the two of them on the floor. Her sobs slowly start becoming silent. “Oh.”

“Everyone okay?” Remus asks him, still holding (y/n).

“Yeah, just a few bruises and scrapes.” Sirius says quietly. He closes the door behind himself. “Mostly just shaken. Molly and the kids are going to the Burrow for the day. They’ll be back tomorrow, just need a day away. Tonks is staying, but she said she’s going to be holed up in her room.”

“Understandable.” Remus sighs. “She’s all bandaged up, nothing too major beside the splinter that was in her thigh.”

“Right.” Sirius nods, looking at her worriedly. “Is she okay?”

“I’m not sure.” Remus looks down at her. The sobs had finally stopped.

“Is she awake?” Sirius raises a brow.

“I’m not sure…” Remus carefully moves his arms from around her to get a better look. (Y/n)‘s eyes are half-open, tears still falling down her cheeks. “(Y/n), do you want to go to your room?” A small nod. “Can you walk or do you want one of us to carry you?”

“Maybe she should go to your room, Remus.” Sirius suggests. “Kreatcher still hasn’t found where that thing got in from. Last place she was that we all can agree on is her room.”

“Right.” Remus looks down at her again. “Is that alright?”

(Y/n) nods.

“Do you want me to carry you?” He asks.

She shakes her head, slowly removing herself from him. Remus stands up first, offering her a hand. She takes it gently, stumbling as she stands.

“Woah there.” Sirius says catching her quickly. “Lean on us okay? Don’t push yourself.”

The three of them slowly make their way out into the hall. Remus has a hand on her waist while Sirius has an arm under one of her arms. (Y/n) stops at Remus’s door, looking down to her own. A faint purple hue visible to her beneath the door. She blinks a few times before following Remus and Sirius into the room.

[ayeeedomino]

Ateez 9th member

Roux and her dates

Ryujin:

Roux and Ryujin were talking via SNS, about their tour plans and countries they will be in the future. The two have been to unofficial dates before, but never a formal one at that. Ryujin sent a a flirt message:

“Why don’t you come have dinner with me and then we talk more? 👀”

“Sure babe😉”

With that settled, at a Friday they met up in front of a famous trendy restaurant in Seoul. As the night went by, they got talking about their time together at JYP, their dreams and goals, and their personal life.

"You know, Jinnie, there's something I've been wanting to share with you. Ive been seeing your performances and I really admire your confidence on stage and how effortlessly you command attention. It's truly captivating, as if you cast a spell on them.”

"Wow, thanks babe. That means a lot coming from you, you’re gonna make me blush. Honestly, I've always been in hypnotized by your stage presence! You really evolved, it’s like a whole different girl from the one I met back then.”

"Thanks darling. It's not always easy, but when I'm up there, it's like I'm in my element. And being able to connect with fans through music, it's a feeling like no other. And the guys been helping me build my confidence. But what have you been up to in your rest days??”

Ryujin gives her little charming chuckle and proceeds saying; "In my rest days? Well, you know I like to rest at home, like binge watching some new tv show, listening to music, and cooking! You know is like a therapy for me!”

As Roux smiles, she throws a shot; “You know, next time you rest you can call me to cuddle, right?”

"Yeah, I will, it sounds nice. You know, you continue being fearless. You're not afraid to be you, and that's a rare quality.“

Roux looks into her eyes and says; "Thank you, but it’s not hard when I’m around you, you are captivating.”

Ryujin smiles and reaches to hold Roux hands; "You know, you mean a lot to me..and also,we could be a very hot pair…”

“I know right?..” as she giggles, they both continue enrolling through the night, wondering about what could be their future together…

Yves:

They don’t really know each other, but one day Roux sent a message complimenting Yves a story she posted. Yves replied complimenting her back and they started talking. A few weeks later Yves decided to invite her to a night out.

They first meet up at a trendy bar known for its lively atmosphere and creative cocktails. As they chat over drinks, they discover shared interests in music, fashion, and travel, sparking a sense of excitement for the night ahead.

After a few drinks, they move to a nearby club where they start dancing, they feel free. As they lose themselves in the music, dancing together with uninhibited joy and passion, their laughter blending seamlessly with the rhythm of the crowd.

As the night passes, they take breaks from dancing to share intimate conversations in quieter corners of the club, getting to know each other on a deeper level amidst the vibrant energy of the night.

"Roux, can I be honest with you for a moment?"

Roux smiles and says; "Of course, unnie. What's on your mind?"

After a deep breath she said; "I just want to say that I've really enjoyed getting to know you. There's something about your presence that's so captivating and genuine. I feel like I can be myself around you."

Roux blushes; "Thank you unnie. I feel the same way about you. It's rare to meet someone at first sight who understands you on such a deep level, you know?"

Yves nods; "Yeah, it is rare. But with you, it feels natural. I admire your strength and your passion for life. You have this inner light that shines so brightly, and it's impossible not to be drawn to it."

"Wow, thanks unnie. That means a lot to me. And you, there's a kindness in your eyes that speaks volumes. It's like you see the beauty in everyone and everything around you."

Yves looks away into the crowd before proceeding; "I try my best. But with you, it's easy. There's something about you that brings out the best in people. I feel like I can open up to you in ways I never thought possible."

Roux looks down to Yves hands, looks up where their eyes meet, and gently takes her hands; "I'm glad you feel that way. Even thought we only met personally today, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time."

As Yves squeezes her hands, she said; "Me too. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I want you to be a part of it. You've captivated me."

Roux leans very close to Yves, before whispering; "Then let's make the most of every moment we have together. Whatever the future may bring." before pulling her back to the dance floor.

As the early hours of the morning approach, they decide to call it a night, their hearts racing with adrenaline and their faces flushed with excitement. With promises to do it all again soon, Roux and Yves part ways, their spirits lifted by the unforgettable memories they've created together on this exhilarating date.

Giselle:

Giselle and Roux met back in 2020, when their schedules overlapped. Since then they kept talking and going out. Roux just called Giselle and asked her to come over.

They start by watching random tv shows, before watching the movie “Carol”. The movie is pretty intense, and made them cry at the end. As it ended they started discussing their favorite scenes, moments and critics of the movie. That lead to an intimate conversation.

“You know Roux, I really connect with you! We share similar struggles, issues, and moments. I feel you and I match.”

“I feel that way too! I guess we both dealt with bad comments from the media..”

“Yes! Talking about that, how are you dealing with that scandal? I mean, it’s bad enough to have people eyeing your personal life, but something so intimate as sexuality must be shit.”

“I mean, I guess I’m fine? Yeah it’s annoying, but that’s nothing really I can do? Dealing with this industry have so many problems, but also have me the ability to share my music, my passion, something so dear to me…and have so many supporters feels nice, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Feels nice to not feel alone.”

After a moment of quiet, she said:

“I don’t mean to be weird or make you uncomfortable, but is it true?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Oh, hope you don’t let anything bad get to your head, because you are a really amazing person, intelligent and gorgeous at that.”

“Oh stop you’ll make me blush.”

“You know, I’ve never really thought of myself being with a girl…I guess I never gave myself the time to really think. All of my life I just thought I had to like men, before I even stop to think what I really like..”

“Oh I know that feeling. I guess you just have to have some introspective moment with yourself, do you see yourself with a woman? With a man? Or both? Do you see yourself settling down with all of them? Or just one of them? Guess you should just really think, and don’t pressure yourself with it! Everyone have their own time!”

“Thanks….though I feel like I wouldn’t mind doing any of that with you…of course, slowly, but if you are open to it, I wouldn’t mind…”

As they cuddle together, they spent the rest of the night talking and just being comfortable with each other.

Yunjin:

This year 2024 Coachella happens to have both Le Sserafim and Ateez performing. What a better excuse to have more time together? First they meet backstage and go out to see other head liners. But at their day off they decided to go to an amusement park.

They arrive early, eager to beat the crowds and make the most of their time. Hand in hand, they start with the roller coasters, laughing and screaming as they race through loops and twists, adrenaline pumping through their veins.

Afterward, they explore the various attractions, from the dizzying heights of the Ferris wheel to the exhilarating drops of the Tower of Terror. With each ride, they bond over shared excitement and occasional nervousness, reassuring each other with comforting words and playful nudges.

As they stroll through the park, they indulge in classic carnival treats like cotton candy and funnel cakes, savoring the sweetness of the moment as they exchange stories and inside jokes.

Feeling adventurous, they challenge each other to games of skill and chance, determined to win each other stuffed animals as souvenirs of their unforgettable day.

As the sun sets and the park lights up with colorful displays, they find themselves on the carousel, riding side by side on majestic horses, feeling like carefree children lost in a whirlwind of joy and wonder.

As the night comes to a close, they share a quiet moment on a bench, watching the fireworks paint the sky with bursts of light and color. With hearts full of happiness and memories to last a lifetime, they share a tender kiss, grateful for the magic of their day at the amusement park.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about life, you know? A few years ago I thought I would just become a lawyer, but now I am here, traveling the world, seeing so many different cultures, exploring the world.”

“I get it, seeing all of this make you feel so accomplished."

“You know, whenever I’m with you, it’s like the world stops, the sounds fades, it’s just you and me.”

“That's exactly how I feel too. You just always manage to make so comfortable, so nice."

"And I love that. I love how we can just be ourselves with each other, no pretenses, no expectations."

"Me too. It's like we have this special connection that's just ours, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. And I never want to take it for granted.."

“I'm truly grateful for tonight. It was a cool way to rewind."

“You’re right.” With that they share an embrace watching the sun go down.

[waitmyturtles]

Alright, I was a little late in watching Be My Favorite, episode 9, but I’m all caught up and here’s the late meta: @lurkingshan, I know you hipped to me that the episode was sad, and it was, definitely, but also -- I found to be uplifting, and not just because of that RIDICULOUSLY GORGEOUS dialogue between Kawi and Pisaeng at the end of the episode (could Gawin BE ANY BETTER in this show?! GODDAMN).

But first, a couple quick notes. I didn’t have time to pay my respects through the reblogs earlier yesterday, so: yes to the fat-coding discussion re: Kwan (agree with you, @lurkingshan and @jjsanguine) -- amazing dialogue at the link, and my theory on Not x Kwan is that Not is meant to represent TOTAL heteronormativity, which isn’t a stretch for him, obviously. (When characters are written to be so DESPICABLE, it gets me thinking that the character is actually written really fucking well.)

In this instance, if we are to compare Kawi to Not: Kawi, through his reflections on the future and the past, is slowly working on changing himself (more on this in a moment re: the uplifting bit). He’s learning through his mistakes that he’s either made and/or knows he COULD have made.

Not, I think, represents society’s disinclination to either change, and/or to change AND accept the change of others. I write about behavioral change a lot, because it’s really fucking hard to do, AND people who try to change in their micro- or macro-communities often have a tremendously hard time being accepted... kinda like coming out of a closet, as Kawi and Pisaeng’s relationship is revealed against their will, and Kawi immediately clocks that it’s Not who’s behind it. As well, referring back to the fat-coded discussion re: Kwan -- I get the sense that Not would “never see Kwan that way,” because the fat-coding around Kwan would signal that Not is “lowering his standards” about women, which could affect his reputation with his guy friends. His behavior, I think, is loathsome precisely because it’s rooted in such perfectly delineated heteronormativity -- from spotting Kawi and Pisaeng *not* kissing, to assuming they kissed, to narc-ing to Pear about it, to telling his dudes the next day in class with people around, to knowing that Kawi overheard it. He’s just -- playing the perfect biased het dude, to a tee. Not is playing his own role in society as he believes it should function.

Which is why I, along with hopefully everyone in the fandom (lol) loved that Pear rejected him. And I’d call that moment an uplifting one for Pear. We know, in a different scenario, that Pear leaving Kawi COULD HAVE MEANT that she ended up with Not.

Instead, in what’s being presented to us as the active and live world of Kawi’s current truth, Pisaeng had the opportunity to confirm to Pear the HONEST truth about his relationship with Kawi. In the Kawi-is-a-rock-star alt-reality -- Kawi was holding back from Pear, keeping his feelings away from her, and putting himself first. She wasn’t presented with truth from others, and thus led herself to believe that being with Not, in marriage, was going to be the right decision for her and the baby they had conceived of. 

In the current, we’re-still-in-university reality, her friends -- Pisaeng and Kawi -- are honest with her. They both cannot give her the heterosexual love that she desires from a man. Not appears. And she rejects him. 

This is such a complicated and, to me, lovely “reality” to contemplate, and links tremendously with what Pisaeng was saying to Kawi at the end of the show. Reflecting back on the earlier episodes: Kawi could not save his dad. Kwan might be heartbroken. And Pear is heartbroken, twice -- maybe even three times, from her mom, from Pisaeng, and from Kawi. 

Kawi demonstrates through his changing behavior that drinking ain’t gonna solve these problems. Even Pisaeng confirms that, too. 

The show, instead, is inching a bit closer, not to absolute truth, as I dissected when I first binged through episode 7, but instead to a kind of truth that is as best as you can make it, while working on making your life better. 

@sparklyeyedhimbo​ noted that Nietzsche came thru again in this episode (THANK YOU, friend @chickenstrangers, for hipping me to the link!). The quote behind Kawi and Pisaeng is from “Thus Spake Zarathustra”: “He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.”

As Pisaeng said, and I paraphrase: if you want to be happy, you gotta do the work. If you want OTHERS to be happy.... you gotta do the work of making YOURSELF HAPPY, *FIRST.*

And I find that message UTTERLY uplifting, and I think Pear took some of that with her when she walked away from Pisaeng and Kawi to stand up for herself with Not, and to not compromise on her values to potentially be him. I thought that was badass. Pear has a life of change ahead of her.

One final note. Pisaeng’s talk with Kawi at the end of the episode happened to touch me as a mom, even though the monologue was rooted in an uplifting and romantic perspective. It struck me that part of what Pisaeng was saying was -- if we’re happy, people will see that we’re happy, and that might HELP PEOPLE find THEIR OWN happiness.

It reminded me a lot of behavior modeling, which is a wonderful modality for parents/caretakers to practice when raising kids. It’s essentially, like -- we adults will behave exactly the way we WANT our kids to LEARN to behave, and we can show them honest ways of communicating if we communicate well ourselves. If you want your kids to be critical thinkers, for instance -- demonstrate conversations of critical thinking IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS, and maybe even involve them in those conversations. 

I really believe that being happy isn’t something that any one person, or a coupling, should be judged for. Look at fucking Not -- judgement all over the place. Again: I think he represents heteronormative society, a part of which pooh-poohs deep love happiness for the sake of negativity and criticism. 

Instead, I love that Be My Favorite takes the responsibility of having Pisaeng and Kawi model for us, IN THEIR OWN WORDS AND BEHAVIORS, the very hard work of CHANGING, for yourself, maybe even for the people you love, and showing the people you love, and your community around you, that that change is very much worth making, to find better and more HONEST happiness in your life. THAT’S how Kawi can impact others, in the end.

(Let us hope, oh LET US HOPE, this show continues to be as good as this episode!)

[hay1ock]

So it’s been pretty much a week now and having rewatched the first episode of Only Friends a couple of times, and before the next episode drops Saturday I wanted to ramble and put down some thoughts I can look back on about how much I love this show so far. (I know it’s only been 1 episode but fuck it.)

Firstly, I want to compliment the aesthetics of the show. The styling of sets and the characters are striking. Lighting, soundtrack, the colouring of the scenes. I’m no film student or anything, but for me it’s a good looking show. And I love the vibes. It has an edge beyond that of the BL tag in my mind. It’s got those QAF and Skins vibes as well as other shows about young adults we had here in the UK that I watched growing up, and I love it.

The sex stuff (+mature/toxic behaviour). I’m aware there are various opinions and comparisons. Too little, too much. This show vs that show/movie. There’s space for all kinds of shows/stories. You want fluffy sure, second turn on the right. Want trauma inducing and everybody dies, keep heading straight at the crossroads. You have the right to not watch and let others enjoy what they enjoy. Regardless of gender/sexuality humans are flawed. They screw up their own lives and other peoples, and they fuck (except those who don’t). Personally, I consume anything that’s entertaining and god damn Only Friends is entertaining.

Anyway, personally, I thought the sex fit in nicely to the story. And I say story because I’m not really one to just want to watch or read about people shagging for the sake of it. Actually, I once submitted a story to a publisher and (feeling like Up’s character in Lovely Writer here) they wanted me to up the heat and add more sex. For me, I need a purpose, even if the sex is the purpose. For example Boston in this episode. Fucking was the reason. It was part of his character. The scene was for his gratification not the viewers. I loved it being all rushed and frantic and there being only one goal - to come. And mixing it with Nick wanking and them climaxing at the same time. Genius scene to be honest. And to follow that up later with them actually getting together and the classic fade to black. We know what’s gonna go down - Nick’s hand down Boston’s pants that’s what 😃

Then we have Top and Mew, a very different scene - slower, more intimate. These characters have very different intentions. Top chasing the goal of Mew’s virginity. To succeed he needs to go steady, lull Mew in by making him feel good. And then Mew who’s maybe pushing his limits as to what he’s comfortable with. As a once virgin myself, I can’t argue with him wanting a little attention, some kisses, and some chest groping lol. But in the end, he cant go all the way, at least not with a one night stand, so the scene shifts. Top maybe pushes it, but I’m glad he ended up being a decent guy (at least in this moment) and accepted Mew wasn’t ready.

So characters.

No point in me hiding it but I’m here because of Khaotung, Neo and First. Khao has had my heart since 2gether. Neo got added to that list after TonhonChonlatee (sorry Tonhon but Na was where it was at lol) and then the trinity was completed with The Eclipse with First. So, high on my Eclipse feels I’m hit with the Only Friends trailer and it was an immediate ‘sign me up’. Since then, Mark did get my interest, loved him in MSP and MLC, and I’ve also got to know Book and Force more since A Boss and a Babe (sorry if any Enchante lovers see this - at the time I only watched ep 1 and it didn’t grab me so have yet to finish it - maybe one day lol).

The fact Khaotung is playing him is a big bonus but have to say RAY is currently my favourite character. I have a soft spot for the characters who seem to be dealing with baggage and I would assume binge drinking, and considering himself ‘unimportant’ are likely signs (along with other bits seen from the trailer). He seems like a dickhead but is actually a squishy baby who needs love and protection (mainly from himself). At least my take so far. I am worried about him and his lack of self preservation, he’s lucky Sand was a stand up guy because handing your phone, car and yourself over to a stranger is a terrible idea. He was passed out and defenceless and if Sand was looking to take advantage in some way, he could have been in real trouble. (Thinks about the sobbing scene in the trailer) I hope nothing bad has or will happen to him if he’s in such a drunken state again. It’s sad he would have just accepted Sand and him had had sex because Sand was hot.

Moving on to SAND. Though a bit aggressive in a ‘I’m so done with everybody’ kind of way, he seems to be a decent guy who just wanted to take a piss in peace lol. We didn’t get too much of him. He gave me mature and big bro vibes and was rubbing Ray’s back when he was retching over the loo - wonder if he’s done that for anyone else in his life? He was a bit standoffish to start (rightly so at some points) but seemed to soften up a bit when Ray was genuinely apologising and saying thanks to him. Also, the slight look/hesitation when Ray asked him if he knew him in the bathrooms. Does he? Even if from a distance? Can’t wait to see where these two go from here.

Next. BOSTON. Well, he certainly likes to get his end away. I don’t dislike him (yet). Screwing around doesn’t make you a bad person. Chasing after red wristbands might make you a little bit of a dick, but I’m generally less against the ‘third party’ and more judging the one who has a partner who is doing the cheating (though here it was more an open, we enjoy a threesome relationship he was getting entangled in). Anyway, I enjoyed Boston and his facial expressions, and his ‘hunting’. Will reevaluate when he starts breaking hearts.

And first in line to get his heart broken, NICK. Not sure our boy will be getting employee of the month snooping through customer phones and jerking off to their half naked selfies lol. He seems a nice enough guy, and as with all the characters it was a decent intro to him. I enjoyed the tension between him and Boston. He recognised him from uni it seems so maybe had his eye on him and finally got a chance to interact, which they certainly did. The preview already showed him getting attached so I’m ready for him to be heartbroken 💔

MEW. A seemingly precious baby who just wants to read his books and save his virginity for something more meaningful than a one night stand. Haven’t much to say about him at the moment as taking him at face value for now. But interested to see how he gets to the point of yeeting Boston into the pool in the trailer lol.

TOP. *narrows eyes* I have no idea if I trust him. He clearly had one mission at the start, but then based on his and Mew’s conversation over ice cream, and how it seems others only view him as the top of the top, a prize to hook up with, I did feel like he was genuinely surprised and intrigued by Mew stopping the hookup before sex. In his scene with Boston, he also said he wanted to date Mew, but because he found him interesting. I don’t know if it’s still a bit of a challenge to him to get Mew to date him because it’d be fun, so whether his goal is still to try and get laid and then he’d dump Mew and move on… We’ll see I guess *side eyes trailer*

(NAM?)CHEUM. Not too much of her but she fits in well as the fourth member on the main friend group. Would be interesting to see how they know each other and for how long. Guess we’ll have to wait and see if she gets a storyline of her own or if, as she had a red wristband on, it’ll be happy lesbian shenanigans now and again to contrast everyone else’s drama and her being there observing her friends self destruct.

Thinky thoughts going into the next episodes.

1. Please tell me the guy Yo is with in the intro is called Lo.

2. I’m wondering if Papang is playing Nick’s boss. Can’t remember the trailer scene setting well other than a laptop in front of them. Maybe he catches Nick and Boston on the cctv.

3. Top & Boston scene in the trailer. Could it be a flashback? Didn’t feel like a flashback but who knows. Assuming it’s not, I wonder what gets Top to a point where he can’t wait for Mew anymore and bangs Boston? Did they have a fight? Were they ‘on a break’? Did Mew pick Ray or something else over him? (I’ve seen the outfit analysing lol)

4. I’m gonna repeat here that I’m worried Ray will get himself in some real trouble getting blackout drunk. He has his arm in a sling in one scene in the trailer so there could be an accident or a fight. But he’s also a sobbing mess and Mew comforting him and well… I hope he stays safe.

5. Interested to see who and how Title’s character will tie into what’s going on. Pilot trailer implied he’s a friend/worked at the bar with Sand.

6. Nick already got them heart eyes. Poor boy’s gonna suffer. But props for the bold move of sending Boston that photo.

7. Oh yeah, Drake! I’d gone with it maybe being Papang out of the cast we knew about from the trailer. Well done to the people who were like ‘that’s Drake’ lol. I had joked about hoping they just brought in a whole bunch of the gmmtv boys to play one night stands or drunken kisses on the dance floor so I’m one for one for boys and episode so far lol.

8. Mew hiding behind and pushing Cheum towards a vomiting Ray in the first scenes was everything lol.

9. Ray’s outfits 😍

10. They did pretty well covering up The 1975’s poster in Sand’s apartment as had to go see when I saw someone point it out (I can’t imagine trying to edit around moving, talking characters)

11. I feel sad that Ray cared more about his belongings than himself.

12. Sand’s ‘I am so done’ face. Especially when Top ‘borrowed’ his mic.

13. And about that. Public propositions like that are a hell no from me. I’d hate to be cornered like that. I mean it’s okay if you’re going to say yes I suppose. But what if it’s not a yes? Like what do you do in front of everyone. Say no and look like the asshole?

14. Top washed his hands after going to the bathroom. Top tier indeed.

15. That intro sequence going from one character to the next - very cool. Also the days of the week montage.

16. Dear Ray, please don’t throw up again. *lowers volume a little bit* 🤢

17. Props to the friends wanting to turn the theory business plan of a hostel into the real thing. I think I’d be Boston in the group and just be dragged along and agree to whatever lol.

18. That intro is definitely a non-skip. Everybody be looking damn fine!

19. Watching everyone’s expression regarding Ray, Mew and Top. Boston knows Ray likes Mew and damn if he doesn’t seem to enjoy poking at him. Also at one point I started to wonder if there was anything else beyond jealousy between Ray and Top. Probably just Ray having had some drinks so reacting in no way subtly lol. And then Mew’s expressions when Ray leaves both times. Does he know? Is he just concerned his friend is storming off and drinking? Hmm.

20. Let Ray and Boston kiss you cowards lol

Bring on episode 2.

[skylarmoon71]

Eobard Thawne - (Flash) AU Chapter 11

Team Flash was always on it when there was word of a big bad. That’s why when Eobard asked that everyone meet in the cortex at six in the morning, they weren’t even surprised. Iris practically slept in the lab. Cisco was already working a case at the precinct, so he was more than alert. Caitlin had been out for drinks and Barry was binge watching some tv series. They weren’t really sure what to expect. So when three different signature streaks of lightning buzzed into the room, they were on guard. When Barry removed his mask, his counterpart’s eyes were wide. 

“Woah..” 

They both said looking at each other. 

“Okay, this is confusing, we’re gonna need a way to differentiate which one is the real Barry.” 

“I’m the real Barry!” They both protested.

“Blue is Bart and red is Barry.” Eobard stated. 

“Fair enough.” 

“You know I hate that nickname.” Bart complained. He’d already suited up, so as a childish attempt, he constructed a huge blue wall with his ring. 

“Quit sulking, we have bigger issues. “ Eobard explains. Barry was still staring. 

He obeyed, lowering the wall as his feet landed on the ground from his previous hovering position. Barry was still taking in the differences that he could spot. 

“So you’re not a speedster?” He asked. Bart shook his head. 

“I’m a blue lantern. It’s crazy that you are the Flash. I do look good in the suit though. “ 

Barry smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anytime handsome.” He winked, and Barry shifted bashfully. You just rolled your eyes. 

“Could you stop being a narcissist for one second!” You complain. 

Caitlin and Cisco looked as though they were used to the behavior. 

“We have maybe twenty-one hours to find Godspeed and help (Y/N).” 

Iris’s brows are knitted. 

“Why are we on a timer?” 

Eobard’s eyes caught yours for a second. 

“Barry came to take (Y/N) home. In about twenty-one hours his friends are gonna reopen the portal. After that he can’t promise that she’ll be able to go back. They only have one shot."

The information didn’t gain happy reactions. 

“You’re..leaving?” Bart asked. 

“I..I.” You couldn’t form the words. 

“We should focus on catching Godspeed."

It was a coward’s way out. But you couldn’t think about it right now. Bart looked ready to question further, but Eobard stopped him. 

“She’s right. We need to find him and stop him. Let’s get to work. Caitlin, track his signature. Cisco, I need you and Joe to work on surveillance, he’s somewhere in the city, I know it. Iris, I’m going to need three trackers. Barry, (Y/N) and I are going to be vulnerable with how fast he’s gotten. I need to know everyone’s whereabouts at all times.” 

The team dispersed after they were given their tasks. Barry had to admit he was impressed with how effective Eobard led the team. 

“You really aren’t him.” 

“I’m not.” His tone was flat.

“Excuse me, I need to grab a pair of meta cuffs for when we stop him.” Eobard walked past you without so much as a glance, and you could feel the pang in your heart. You expected the reaction. Barry’s eyes moved to you. 

“You care about him.”

It was an easy observation. He had caught you both on the couch. Now you feel a bit guilty. Because this man may not have been Barry’s mortal enemy, but he was still Thawne.

“I just…he’s not..” Barry shook his head. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself. (Y/N) you’ve been trapped here for months. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been at the beginning seeing his face after what happened.” 

It was painful. 

“I only wanted to protect everyone.”

Of course he understands. 

“I know. If I’m being honest a part of me was mad at you for making such a decision. I always said I would protect you and then I just watched you die. For a while we really did think that you were gone forever.” 

You can’t imagine what that must have felt like. 

“But it’s okay now. Because you’re safe. I know everyone’s going to be happy to see you, especially Joe.” 

Barry is wearing a wide grin, and you mirror it the best you can. Because at the back of your mind, you aren’t sure if your heart is completely set on returning anymore.

[makemeanangelpure]

You know it’s real when they’re willing to do this shit for you.

I’ve been living with my partner for a little over a year now. They’ve seen me at my worst with my Ed, binges at an all time high, waking up from drinking together and half the fridge is gone, alongside excessively fasting, obsessively restarting a fast as soon as I’m done with meals, tracking my intake, overexerting myself, crying drunk over how I feel about my body and being really honest about how being sexually abused as a kid I know is a big chunk of why it developed because I want to feel the innocence that was stolen from me. They’ve been very gentle with me and I’m very comfortable with them. I’ve also helped them to revisit the idea that they’re probably non-binary. When they get home in a few minutes they’re going to help me shave to help with the Ed demons. I’m still fasting, even though the first two days I tried to eat away my sickness, 3-4 days in and I’m back at it. 106 cal for the day so far- not planning to go over 150. I let them know how I wished I hadn’t eaten so much the last two days if I wasn’t going to get better fast, and they could see how they day was gonna go. So far, they’ve never forced me to eat, just made suggestions or tried getting things low cal as possible for me to have safe food. They’ve asked me about going to therapy and see a nutritionist eventually and I said maybe.. after an hour of crying about not wanting to die anymore but not wanting to let go of my disorder either. They didn’t push and just gave comforted me the whole while. I know seeing me be sick like this hurts me too. They held me back one night when I was too drunk from throwing up, severally upset, repeating how I just needed whatever was in my out, thrashing like a wild animal. They’ve seen me lose 20 pounds over the year I’ve been here, mostly in the last 5 months because the other 7-8 I was binging myself to death.. they’re gonna see me lose weight faster in the next two months and a half cause I plan to lose the rest by then and get to my UGW. I feel comfortable too because of how understanding they’ve been, but I also know it’s hard to see someone hurt themselves and as long as I’m not purging I’ll figure they’ll be really happy and proud of me even if my intake is super low. 24 pounds to go. They brought him a crazy huge piece of chocolate cake and I ate some crumbs that fell off and a taste of frosting after smelling it and putting it back in the fridge so ending today at 146 cal wooo

[spearmxnt-and-ice]

how do you stay in control because i can never seem to commit to a fast or say no to food

I’m going to be fully honest; it’s really hard for me to keep control. I have a lot of binge eating episodes, and I used to just « recover » when I would binge and eat normally before I relapsed again in a month or so. This time around, I’ve tried to just get right back on track after a binge. Instead of prolonged fasting, I like intermittent fasting for around 18-24 hours. I tend to binge after I fast for more than 48 hours, so I only fast for short portions every day. Weight loss during fasting begins after about 12 hours, so you don’t need to fast very long before you start losing. Instead of saying « no » to food, I try to work that food into my day. If I know someone is going to offer me food, I accept it, and that usually ends up being all I eat. Other than that, I drink lots of yummy drinks like tea and diet soda pop to keep me full and beat cravings!

[survey--s]

602.

At the moment 1. How are you? I’m doing pretty good apart from having period pains. 2. Are you with anyone? Simba is asleep behind me, Purrlock is on the bookshelf and I think Toby is on the fridge. Mike and Archie are both upstairs. 3. Are you doing anything besides this survey? Watching a re-run of Below Deck. 4. What are you listening to? Below Deck. Simba is also purring right in my ear lol. 5. Are you talking to anyone? Not at the moment, no. 6. What are you wearing? Black leggings and a black and white floral tunic dress/top. 7. Are you eating or drinking anything? Just a can of Pepsi Max. 8. Is there anything going on in the room you’re in? Just the cats sleeping and me doing this survey. 9. How is the weather outside? Windy and getting dark even though it’s not even 8pm yet. 10. What time is it? It’s currently 7.37pm.

Lasts:1. Who is the last person you talked to? Mike. Unless you count the cat, lol. 2. What is the last food you ate? Salt and vinegar crisps. 3. What is the last text asleep? That makes a ton of sense, lol. 4. Where is the person you last hugged? He’s upstairs playing on the xBox. 5. When is the last time you cried? I can’t remember the last time I cried. 6. What did you do for your last birthday? We had a snow day. I had a couple of cat visits to do and then we just chilled at home as most of the roads out were closed. I think we got takeaway too. 7. Where is the last person you kissed? Upstairs in bed. 8. Besides anything computer related, what is the last thing you touched? My nose as it just got really itchy. 9. When is the last time you changed clothes? This morning after I took a shower. 10. What was the last TV show you watched? Below Deck. Before that it was Two and a Half Men.

What’s/Who’s your favorite: 1. Color? Purple. 2. TV show? FRIENDS. 3. Food? Steak, fries or pizza. 4. Season? Autumn as long as it’s not too wet. 5. Movie? Alice in Wonderland. 6. Item of clothing? I don’t really have a specific favourite, it depends on my mood. 7. Band? The Beatles.

8. Place to be kissed? My lips, cheek or neck. 9. Friend? My closest friend is Mike. 10. Sibling? I don’t have any siblings.

Listings:1. List five green things in the room you’re in.There isn’t really much in here that’s green. Uhh…a pair of shorts, some wax melts, a book cover, a DVD box and there’s some green in a painting too. 2. List four best friends. Mike, Susie, Jenn, my mum. 3. List seven things you’ve done today. Had a lie in, had a shower, made a bacon sandwich, binge-watched Below Deck, played “find it” with the dog, took a bunch of surveys and watched Alice in Wonderland. 4. List one place you’d like to visit. Japan. 5. List three holidays you like. Christmas, Halloween and Easter. 6. List two favorite stores. Fat Face and Waterstones. 7. List one reason you and your ex broke up. He lied to me about how many children he had. 8. List four things you like about your appearance. My height, my piercings, my tattoo and my nose. 9. List eight things you like about your best friend. He’s honest, kind, hard-working, loyal, funny, sarcastic, animal-loving and an all-round good egg.

10. List two favorite colors. Purple and grey.

Random questions 1. Would you care if a friend was friends with an enemy of yours? I mean, it’s not up to me who other people are friends with. 2. What was the last book you read? I honestly don’t remember. I’m not really a big reader. 3. Are you looking forward to going back to school? I haven’t been in any kind of education for 12 years now. 4. Was this one of your favorite summers? Why? I mean, it wasn’t a bad summer but I wouldn’t say it was one of my favourites. 5. Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do? Visit Japan. 6. Where is the person that means most to you right now? Upstairs. 7. How many best friends do you have? I wouldn’t really describe anyone as being a best friend. 8. Do you have any cuts or bruises on your body right now? Sure, I always do. I work with animals so it’s kind of part of the job. 9. Are you holding back doing or saying anything? No. 10. What time will you go to sleep tonight? I’ll probably go to bed in about an hour, but I don’t normally go to sleep until closer to midnight.

[addictivepsychology]

Day 83

I feel good today

But when I start to feel good,

The other person doesn’t

It was your birthday yesterday and you celebrated

Drank and smoked and a little drugs

Never hurt anyone

I came after you had dinner with your brother

Black lace under a black dress hiding to commemorate but never being seen

You were slightly drunk and dancing around , we hug and laugh

Laugh so much and drink

In the dim fairy lights, low instramental music, and your gorgeous face,

I fall , fighting to defy gravity

But when will my cup be filled

You say let’s go to bed and hand me clothes and say they’re classically you

When I finish in the bathroom I find you in glasses and reading,

Nothing is more sexy

We start reading together but you ask me to read to you

Not even two pages later and you’re asleep ,

So beautiful and peaceful

How will I get over this

Waking up peacefully as your cat cuddles with me

I pick up groceries and cook for us then race to work

I’m doing so much

But I love it, guess part of me wants to be a wife

But how do I turn that off

And how do I know you like me and not just the things and what I can contribute

I’m getting close to the L word and it’s scary

I think I’m getting to know you , but I’m not sure

I’m never sure

I’m scared

And I don’t know how you could help me except be honest

And I don’t even want to bring it up until I know for sure how to feel

But how do you feel , I always wonder but am too scared to ask

But you tell me to just ask since I need to build confidence

But those are the things I’m not sure I like

But I like you so much

I fight on whether I should see you or not at nights

It’s nice to have company and yours is close to the best

I guess

We both need space and sleep today

You called me saying you wanted to hear my voice

I miss you

As we part ways and dream alone

You’ve been in my dreams lately

It’s scary

I finally almost finished your cupcakes

I’ll fill them and frost them tomorrow and they’ll be in your warm hands

I’m ecstatic

They turned out so well and I hope they taste as good as they smell

I hope you love them

I hope you still love me

If you ever actually did

I had my first drink last night, I had a couple actually,

I brought a bottle of wine and we laughed so much

You’re so fun

My first drink after my negative results

I felt great this morning

It’s a miracle

I thought about living with the bacteria for my life

But I got through the tough regimen

And I’m back to normal

And I’m so thankful

I want to cry again

I have my life back

Sometimes I fight to be happy but isn’t that normal

I feel like a roller coaster with no end

The dips are so deep and it’s so enthralling

I want to get drunk for a month then drink normally again

I think I’ll binge for awhile

I deserve it right

As long as I don’t gain any weight

I don’t care

I wish I knew what I wanted

In life

In relationships

In love

I want to be in love and everything to be easy again

I want to float

And be at peace but we aren’t so easy

Nothing is as simple as the soft gentle sounds of a piano in the background of a coffee shop

I’ll just chain smoke and get drunk until I feel the peace I want

Love you

And love me